The original reality show that drops a group of random and eccentric Americans on an island somewhere where they have to figure out how to survive off of a thimble full of rice every day and not kill each other while also competing for one million dollars won after 39 days of not showering has never lost steam in 34 seasons. How, you ask? Because it makes us reflect on the important things in life.
1. "That is a huge spider!"
Yes, the island they’re stranded on is gorgeous and I’ll happily look at as many sunsets, marine animals, and landscapes as you filmed, but I could do without the creepy crawlies
2. "Oh great, another sob story."
Yes, they're humans and they have personal stories and lives and it's all very interesting, and I may even shed a tear once in a while, but this is a game and I want to see them play.
3. "What do they do all day?"
Aside from challenges every few days, periodically binge eating junk food, and scrambling before, during, and after tribal council, all we see them doing is laying around laughing at the chicken on the roof of their shelter
4. "Wow, look at all that delicious food! And there are brownies?!"
Even though you are not famished and could go get yourself one from your box of cosmic brownies in your kitchen which is 5 steps away
5. "I bet he/she is really cute when they shower."
Because let’s be honest, there are some really attractive humans that play Survivor, but when you haven’t showered in 2 weeks, nobody is going to hit a runway
6. *Challenge involves ropes course, mud pit, 12 laps in the ocean, a deep dive, carrying a 100 lb boat, and a slide puzzle* "I could do that."
No, even with a full belly, fully rested, and perfect weather, you most certainly could not
7. "Jeff only wears blue, green, or black shirts (occasionally white)."
I really wish he’d just put on one of those neon orange skin suits for once
8. "Uh oh, who let [insert season’s resident crazy here] out?"
There’s always someone dumping out the rice, stealing someone’s idol, or dancing around naked and it’s usually the same person
9. "Oh no, Jeff looks too happy. Here comes a twist."
Because Survivor has gotten bored with itself so Jeff always has something up his monochrome sleeves
10. "I bet that’s the episode title!"
But it’s not because they always choose the lamest quote like “There’s a new sheriff in town” when they could’ve used “Smiles before the Bloodbath”
11. "How does one have secret conversations when a whole camera crew follows you everywhere?"
“Let’s go sneak off into the woods and talk about strategy without anyone knowing we’re aligned” *Camera crew casually wanders off into woods* “They’re probably just filming spiders again”
12. "I have no idea who’s going home at tribal."
Everyone walks into tribal 110% confident that their alliance is solid. Then Jeff starts asking questions and all hell breaks loose
13. "Who flipped?"
Someone always flips on someone because everyone has made different promises to at least 3 different people
14. "I wish Jeff would play Survivor."
He’d have to be a beast at everything, right? He knows the secrets of all the challenges and has seen all of the strategies! He’d either dominate or fall flat on his ass.
