You’re briskly walking with a purpose toward your destination, proud that you might actually arrive early, when the epitome of a Monday appears before you— the slow walker.

1. This is not the time or the place for you to take a leisure stroll!

2. There are two imaginary lanes, fast and slow, and you are in the middle of both. GET OVER!

3. Universe, what did I do to deserve this?!

4. I walk like someone with a purpose. You need to get one!

5. I have places to be!

6. How long do I have to hover behind you before you sense my urgency?

7. Why are all four of you taking up the sidewalk? Part the waters!

8. *Obscenities galore*

9. I have long legs. I need to stride not shuffle! Look alive!

10. I’m at least a foot shorter than you and I can move faster than this!

11. Do I need to light a fire under your *ss?

12. Maybe if I step on their heels they’ll get the hint…

13. Take your swag somewhere else and walk at a normal pace like the rest of us.

14. Ain’t nobody got time for this!

15. There’s a special place in Hell for people like you.

If you are an example of one of the aforementioned and soon-to-be Hell dwellers who lack a purpose, destination, or capability of walking at a speed over 0.5 mph, please kindly consider those behind you, who desperately want to get where they’re going.