Living with your best friend can be the worst or the best experience of your life.
You laugh together, you cry together, you scream at each other, then you go get dinner and forget your fight in a pile of food and Slurpees. Your best friend can become your family or your enemy, it all depends. I've had roommates, male and female, friends and family, close and not so close, but each one has been a unique experience.
Here's what I've learned:
1. Other people's gross habits are always grosser than your own.
I bite my nails and I forget to put my dishes in the sink sometimes. I'm guilty of not cleaning my hair out of the shower and leaving my school stuff laying around. But comparing my messiness to the dirty socks in the living room or late night party mess of someone else is somehow off the charts. Something about your own gross habits, even if they are the same as your roommates is exponentially more acceptable no matter how close you are.
2. Doorknobs have locks for a reason.
Whether you are showering, getting dressed, or partaking in any other private activities, a closed door does not always indicate that one should not enter. Sometimes you don't realize anyone is home or maybe even living together has blurred the boundaries of a relationship. From being walked in on, watching my roommates walk in on each other, and doing the walking in on I can say that it is best to save all parties the heaping embarrassment and just lock the door.
3. Most walls are not soundproof.
Sometimes you think you are being quiet when in reality you sound like you are initiating WWIII. I get it, sometimes you feel the urge to move furniture, sometimes company gets rowdy, or sometimes you are watching a really good episode of Law and Order at 3 AM and you don't want to miss a word Olivia Benson says. But for the love of god, keep it down (except for in the case of "Law and Order," in which you should make some popcorn and invite your roommate to watch because duh it's "Law and Order").
4. Always make house rules.
Not having house rules could lead to tensions about chores, company, common courtesies, or other miscommunications even early on. Setting some ground rules for what everyone expects will keep the house accountable when one roommate's dog eats everyone's socks or when last nights party left the house in shambles.
5. Spend quality time together.
Some of my absolute favorite moments in having roommates are late night study sessions with Miley jamming in the background, bring your own Slurpee cup day, or piling into the car for a Taco Bell feast. Just because you live together and see each other every day doesn't mean you are spending enough time together. Sometimes tensions arise when you don't remember why you chose to live with your best friend in the first place, so make time and make memories to think of when that person is absolutely driving you crazy and you want to white out their name on the lease.
6. Don't take your bad day out on them.
You are going to grow close and comfortable and sometimes we lash out at the people we are closest and most comfortable with. Don't do it. Go to your room or talk with them about it, but for the sake of living in peace do not yell at them because you failed your test or got a speeding ticket or messed up at work. They are part of your support system, not a punching bag. I learned this lesson the hard way, as most people do, but eventually, we all learn.
7. Lean on them when you need to.
No, your life is not going to be like an episode of "Friends" or "How I Met Your Mother," but that doesn't mean your roommates aren't a super important part of your support system. They see you at your best and your worst: when you are sick or tired or excited or successful. When you need them let them be there for you. Learning to trust other people can be scary, especially when you aren't used to trusting much of anyone, but you trusted them enough to count on them for parts of the bills so trust them to be there for you when you need them.
8. Don't stress too much about money.
Money really can be the root of all evil. They say money is the number one thing couples fight about, and this can be true for roommates too. When someone is late on rent or you lent them money last month, or you seem to be the only one buying things for the house, it can get easy to fall into petty fights. Keep in mind though, they also say to never lend money to friends or family. Maybe avoiding fights about money comes from preventing them in the first place. Don't fall into a fight you never need to have.
9. But don't ignore issues about money, either.
Make budgeting plans with your roommates. If you aren't in a relationship of some sort I don't think I would advise the "my money is your money" mentality, but that's just me. Figure out what works for you: maybe a joint bank account where all the roommates drop money in, maybe you all put an agreed upon amount aside each week so you aren't scrambling the day bills are due. Figure out what works and go with it!
10. Make sure everyone is involved in choosing things for the house.
You don't want to be in a house for 6 months and have people falling into a "that's mine" situation things in common spaces are common belongings until everyone moves. The couch is ours, the TV is ours, and the toaster is ours. If everyone contributes it'll be harder for people to get lost in a habit of claiming ownership to shard items.
11. Have an idea of each other's schedules.
Not living at home means your parents aren't keeping tabs on you anymore, but don't take advantage of this freedom. Having someone know where you are is a safety measure. If you are three hours late coming home from work your mother would have a stroke, but your roommate may just check in to make sure you aren't having car trouble, or been abducted, or arrested. It always pays to have people in your corner looking out for you.
12. Never erase the DVR without checking in first.
In my house, "Law & Order SUV" was like the Oscars, if the Oscars had 18 seasons and played reruns all day. You could never be sure if it was an episode you recorded or another roommate recorded so always touch base before erasing.
13. Don't sign contracts for anything besides you lease.
You never know what the next year will bring, let alone two years. Some internet and cable bills call for contracts that you get locked into whether you move or not. This can affect your credit or ability to open new accounts if you do not first pay off the original one or any charges for breaking the contract.
14. Keep the little things in mind.
If you're out to eat bring them some takeout, or if you see a movie they love is on later record it for them, tag them in recipes for you to make together later. Keep them in mind and chances are they will keep you in mind too. Being a giver pays off.
15. Stay in touch when you all go your separate ways.
Eventually, someone will get a job offer or move in with their significant other or some other life event happens. You won't live together forever so make the most of it while you can. When you do start moving on with your life, keep old roommates updated. You wouldn't leave your family in the dust and just because you don't live together anymore doesn't mean they are any less your family. They went through your triumphs and heartbreaks and transitions right along with you, and they still can.
Thank you to my roommates for teaching me so much. From late night study sessions to midnight baking and early morning drives to work; I owe a piece of myself to you all. Thanks for the memories, and of course the Netflix password.
