For anyone who is unaware, I am bisexual. I spent about seven years struggling with my sexual orientation before I came out to anyone. From the time I was about 11 years old until I was about 18, I never dared to voice my worries or feelings to anyone out of the fear of rejection. One of my childhood best friends is gay, and I had seen over the years how difficult times could get and how cruel people could be. I had heard all of the horror stories of people being disowned, beaten up, and being discriminated against in all corners of society. I was afraid of those things happening to me. I worked through all of my inner turmoil with the help of art, music, and bad poetry. I have since learned to love myself and my orientation and not to be ashamed of either. I hope others like me can as well. Though I am comfortable with my sexual orientation now, it took me a lot of time to come to grips with my sexuality and to fully accept myself as I am. I never really explicitly came out in a public way; most of the time if I came out to anyone, it was in private,otherwise I just stopped trying to hide it and let people figure it out on their own. When I started dating in college, however, sometimes the stigmas surrounding bisexual people present themselves as a problem.

1. Bisexuality is real

A lot of people have a hard time grasping that bisexuality itself is real. We live in a world where everything is either black or white. In reality, most things, including sexuality, lie on a spectrum. No one is at the exact same place on any spectrum, and that is nothing to ever feel ashamed of. Some people are towards the straight end of the spectrum, and some are towards the gay end of the spectrum. Some people fluctuate throughout their lives, and some stay in the same spot forever. Just because some people cannot imagine being attracted to more than one gender, does not mean no one in the world can be.

2. Bisexuality is not being "half gay and half straight"

My favorite analogy to use to explain this is the ice cream one. Let's say that chocolate ice cream is gay and vanilla ice cream is straight. Bisexuality is not a chocolate-vanilla twist cone; it is its own valid identity. Bisexuality is more accurately described as being strawberry ice cream: a flavor of its own, completely detached from both hetero- and homosexuality.

3. Being bisexual does not mean that you date a woman and a man at the same time.

Though there are people who consent to having open relationships (exclusively dating more than one person at a time) and some of them may be bisexual, that does not mean that bisexual people all date a million people at once. Most bisexual people are monogamous. It isn't about gender for us. It's about who the people are themselves.

4. Being bisexual does NOT mean you are inherently promiscuous or a cheater.

This is SUCH a big one. I cannot even tell you how many times I have felt so insulted to the point where now I feel like I have to put a disclaimer across my forehead whenever I go out with someone that I am not a cheater or promiscuous. For some reason I will never understand, there is a well-known stereotype that bisexual people will cheat on anyone they date. The stigma is that since we are attracted to more than one gender, we are more likely to cheat on a man with a woman and a woman with a man. I have spent many years trying to figure out how that makes sense to anyone to no avail. In terms of dating in this day and age, I am probably actually more traditional and monogamous than most straight people are. The simple fact of the matter is this: cheaters cheat, and cheaters can be any sexual orientation, whether they be straight, gay, bisexual, pansexual, or anything else.

5. Bisexual people are not going to "pick a side"

I want to get married someday. Whether my spouse ends up being a man or a woman, is still yet to be determined. If I marry a man, though, it does not mean that I've chosen to be straight, just like if I marry a woman, it does not mean that I have chosen to be gay. No matter who I end up with, it does not negate the fact that I am bisexual; it just means I ended up loving my spouse the most, like anyone else.

6. Bisexual people are not "faking" their orientations

Yes, I totally faked being morbidly depressed, crying myself to sleep, and every single panic attack I have ever had when I was in the midst of my worst struggles with my sexuality. Yes, I faked spending hours rehearsing how I am going to tell one person that I also like girls. Yes, you caught me, I totally faked it when I cried for the first 10 times I came out to people I loved. It is so insulting when people accuse bisexual people that we are "faking" our orientations. Most, if not all, of us have spent years trying to accept ourselves and build up the courage to love and date freely without fear of what people will think of us.

7. We actually do not have "double the dating pool."

Several people have made the comment to me that "Oh, you're so lucky that you're bi because you get double the dating pool! That's so unfair to us straight/gay people!" Though on paper, it might seem logical to think that since we are attracted to all genders, but it sadly is not that way. So many people hold all of these terrible stereotypes and stigmas against us at face-value that keep them from giving us a chance. It actually makes the dating pool about twice as small instead of twice as big.

8. Bisexuality is not only a stepping stone.

There are some people who use bisexuality as a stepping stone. They first come out as bisexual before they come out as gay, and in some rare cases, come out as straight. Although it is definitely okay to do that, and to do whatever makes you comfortable in your coming out process, that does not mean that bisexuality is only a stepping stone. Most bisexuals are only bisexual and are not waiting to come out as something else.

9. Not all bisexual women are secretly straight and not all bisexual men are secretly gay.

To reiterate, not everything in this world is just black or white! If someone comes out to you as bisexual, do not shoot them down and invalidate their orientation by saying "you're just secretly gay/straight." They probably spent a lot of time trying to figure out how to tell you, and telling them they are lying is like rejecting them.

10. If a bisexual person later comes out as something else, that does not mean they were lying to you about being bisexual.

Sexuality is a confusing and tricky thing sometimes. If someone comes out as bisexual and later comes out as something else, that doesn't mean they were lying. It just means they figured out a better description of themselves that they feel more comfortable with.

11. If a bisexual person breaks up with you, it has nothing to do with their sexual orientation

I kid you not, one time I broke things off in a civil manner with someone I didn't end up being as interested in as I initially thought I was. The first thing that came out of her mouth was the accusation that I was straight and not actually into girls. We are friends now and on good terms, but I swear, I wanted to claw my eyes out when she asked me that. I just had to remind myself that it was just the stigma talking.

12. We do not like how our orientation is overly-sexualized.

Sometimes guys think it's hot that bisexual girls also like girls. Stay away from these guys. They are objectifying you and using you as a sexual object meant to fulfill a fantasy of their's. Gross.

13. Bisexuals are not looking for a threesome.

If someone is looking for a threesome and they are bisexual, the two have no correlation to each other. Straight people and gay people look for threesomes too. Like I said before, most bisexual people are monogamous and just like everyone else. We are not a novelty or a sex toy meant to spice up your crumbling relationship.

14. Bisexual people just want to belong.

Biphobia and bierasure is real. Straight people think we are too gay for them and gay people think we are too straight for them. Even though we are the "B" in LBGTQ+, we are more often erased and ignored when talking about LGBTQ+ issues and organizations than not. Try to think about the last time you heard the word "bisexual" in a TV show or in the media, period. Though some people actually do prefer not to label their sexual orientation, that is not how it always is. Bisexual people need more positive representation and less stigma surrounding them. Our orientation is valid and so are we. All we want is to be loved and accepted like anyone else.

15. All bisexual preferences are valid.

In my case, I feel like I am equally romantically and sexually attracted to both men and women. Not all bisexual people feel that way, though, and that is okay! Their orientations are still valid. It is not always half and half. You can be sexually attracted to men and not women but want to date women and not men. Sexual and romantic attraction are not the same thing. Not all bisexual people have the same preferences. Whether you are 60/40, 80/20, 50/50, or any other amount with any gender, your orientation is real, valid, and important.