My phone pinged. "Brown Residential Life." I inhale and click on the notification knowing fully well what it could be. The roommate assignment.
You all probably know this, but briefing you about it will do more good than harm. In most American colleges, you're assigned roommates to share your dorm with. Generally, it's a double, as in two people in one room, and sometimes it could be more or fewer. But unlike the majority of colleges, my college assigns roommates through a random lottery. Define intimidating wrapped into a roll of excitement! That's what it was.
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So I was overjoyed to see that I'd been assigned to a great residential hall and then I saw a name underneath in a neat typeface: A person with whom I'd spend my freshman year. My roommate. As basic human instinct in the 21st century dictates, I decided to find her on Facebook. Guess what? No result that seemed reasonably like an almost adult attending college any time soon. A small depression formed at the base of my tongue, I couldn't fathom it. Who, in this age demographic doesn't have a Facebook?
And so, a few thoughts, mostly unsettling and strange came to mind.
1. Was she a vampire who couldn't tolerate the light of technology?
Or was she an ancient vampire who wasn't as adept with technology?
2. Had she come from a third world country?
Or North Korea where internet access was incredibly difficult or a resource of the privileged? (If true, it would've been so inspirational that even with direness of resources she made it to one of the best universities in the world!)
3. Was she an antisocial shutdown who hated people?
Surprisingly, more than me?
4. Was she paranoid that NSA or CIA would track her personal life via Facebook?
5. Does she go under a cool alias?
Or does she have a fake account through which she could stalk other people without letting the reverse happen?
6. Does she actually catch viral from computer viruses?
7. Is she allergic to Internet or technology? Medically or otherwise.
8. Is she the kind of free soul hipster who is on a Facebook detox and is exploring continents without Internet or such?
9. Is she a felon or a computer genius who doesn't believe in Facebook and is working on her own social media site which is better encrypted?
10. Is she a part of a royal family or some legacy which due to security and privacy reasons doesn't allow private accounts on social media?
11. Is she the daughter of an underworld mafia leader?
Which can explain why she might not have Facebook. Living feet and feet below the ground at the mafia HQ might seem difficult for even the best network companies to catch!
12. Is she not a real human or just a parody whose identity was created to troll the admissions at Brown and now I'll be roommate-less?
13. Is she a CIA agent who has gone undercover and faked a death?
14. Is she a mermaid who lives in the seas?
15. Was this email a troll?
Now, when I write this article, I have discovered my roommate and have chatted with her and thankfully none of those theories qualify. Except, she believed some five years back that Facebook would die out -- guess not! But she seems like a great person and I am happy that all my speculation proved futile and massively erroneous in the end!
