My whole life I’ve seen “Big Brother” advertised on CBS. I used to think that it looked so stupid. I mean, who would want to spend their summer watching a bunch of jerks and drama queens locked in a house together? That’s what I used to think until I started watching it. This summer, a friend of mine convinced me to watch the premier episode of “Big Brother 18” with him, and I loved it. Since that day, I’ve developed a serious condition. I became addicted to tuning into CBS three days a week to catch up with my favorite houseguests. "Big Brother" fever can be a serious issue that could eventually lead to full blown “Super Fandom,” so I have compiled a list of some of the signs and symptoms to help you diagnose your own “Big Brother” addiction:
1. Sunday, Wednesday and Thursday are your favorite days of the week.
Sunday at 8, Wednesday at 8, Thursday at 9. You spend a lot of time looking forward to these special times. It doesn’t matter where you are or what you have to do, you make sure you get it done in time to turn the TV to CBS and watch the drama unfold.
2. Monday and Tuesday are the longest days of your life.
Or maybe it’s Friday and Saturday? Going two whole days without watching your favorite reality show leaves you in anxious suspense. Anything could be happening in the house right now. After all, the only thing you can expect is the unexpected.
3. You have to avoid spoilers.
Going those two days without accidentally stumbling upon who won Head of Household or who the new target is can be difficult. You have to put your blinders on every time you get on the Internet, and take evasive action every time you run into that friend who you know watches the live feeds.
4. If you miss an episode, you have to avoid everyone.
Missing an episode is even worse, because then literally everyone but you knows what’s happening. You basically have to put on a mask and trench coat so nobody can recognize you and try to talk about what happened. You have to run to your room and watch the latest episode on your laptop as soon as it’s up on CBS.com.
5. You switch favorites as the season goes on.
You started out liking one houseguest, but they got power hungry. Then your new favorite gets evicted. Let’s face it, almost every houseguest has been your favorite at some point in the season.
6. You start speaking in "Big Brother" lingo.
Speaking in BB vernacular is a major sign of addiction. Pretty soon you start telling your friends you got “blood on your hands” when you got in a disagreement with a coworker. Or you refer to one of your roommates as “the biggest fish to fry.”
7. You have a group chat with your friends that watch “Big Brother” with the sole intent of talking about “Big Brother.”
And you have to tell them every time you miss an episode so they don’t spoil.
8. You over analyze everything that happens on the show.
You find yourself thinking about "Big Brother" at night before bed. What would be best for Natalie’s game? Who is playing the smartest game? What will Nicole do next? Did Paul do the right thing? Sometimes you realize you miss everything going on around you because you were completely zoned out daydreaming about “Big Brother.”
9. You try to convince everyone who doesn't watch to start watching.
You tell everyone how great it is. You take great pride when you convince someone to watch an episode, and even greater pride when you give someone else the fever.
10. You have to constantly defend the show to anyone who insults it.
When your mom says, “That show is so staged,” you get so angry and have to explain to her that there are cameras on the houseguests all the time. When someone says it’s stupid, you must calmly explain how you used to think that too. You roll your eyes at everyone who says it’s “just another reality show.” You can’t let anyone put down your favorite show.
11. You've seriously considered a CBS All Access subscription.
This is a more advanced stage of the addiction. You start thinking, it’s only six bucks a month, it’s totally worth it to watch the live feeds. In more advanced stages, you try the free trial, and in the most advanced stage, you shell out the six dollars a month and spend a few nights a week watching the live feeds.
12. You follow the houseguests on social media.
You followed Paulie, Frank, and Bronte on Instagram. You keep up with the houseguests on Snapchat. You’re not ashamed. You know them so well at this point, you feel like they’re actually your friends.
13. A favorite houseguest's eviction can ruin your day.
When your favorite gets addicted, it breaks your heart. You can’t imagine watching the show without them, but you still do. After all, you never know, they might get a second chance to come back in the house.
14. You start imagining what life would be like if you were on "Big Brother."
You say things like, “What if all the doors locked right now, Julie Chen came on the TV, and announced that we were starting ‘Big Brother’ right now?” to your friends. You discuss with your friends who you would target first and why. You talk about who you would get in an alliance with. You even start referring to your friend group as your alliance.
15. You add "being on 'Big Brother'" to your career goals.
You know you could win, and you plan on applying someday. There is no known cure for “Big Brother” addiction, but honestly, those of us who have the fever don’t care. We don’t want to be cured anyways.
