I’m not exactly ready for the whole ~raising a child~ thing yet, considering I’m 20 years old and still have trouble making and keeping my own doctor’s appointments. However, I’ve been waiting my whole life to become an aunt. Being an aunt is a really cool responsibility that’s barely even a responsibility. Great aunts really just have to be fun and chill, and I think I’ve accomplished both. While I only have one sister and she’s nowhere near the point of having a child at age 22, I’d just like her to know that I’m ready whenever she is.
If you think I’m a kickass little sister, just wait until I’m the aunt of your most precious little bundles of joy. If that scares you more than excites you, I hope to change your mind. Dedicated to my sister and future nieces and nephews, here are a few reasons I’m going to be the chillest, dopest, sweetest aunt you’ve got.
1. I love getting candles and tacky key chains as presents.
There will be no fake gift love in this corner. Furthermore, I will never have enough candles.
2. I have no problem trash talking my sister. (I’ve been doing it for 20 years).
“Mom was being so annoying today”
“Ugh, I know. Did she do that thing where she purses her lips and rolls her eyes? I hate when she does that.”
3. I always have gum and snacks in my purse.
I also always carry a large purse, which is perfect for sneaking in 5-course candy meals to the movie theater.
4. I bring back pointless presents from long trips.
Aunts are well known for bringing back those snow globes you didn’t realize you collected or turtle figurines made out of seashells.
5. I take lots of embarrassing candid photos when nobody’s looking.
And then I post them on Facebook. That’s definitely an aunt thing too.
6. I'll never judge.
I’ll listen to your drunken arrest stories and you can hide out in my house when your parents rip you a new one.
7. I’m also a great gift giver around the holidays.
This includes drum sets, silly putty, animals, and those shoes your mom said “Absolutely not” to.
8. I’ll take you to McDonalds any day of the week
Although I have received special orders from my sister to not take her children to McDonald’s, ever.
9. I think cookies and cake count as breakfast.
Because they do.
And kids love that stuff.
10. I’ll take you anywhere your mom won’t.
That concert she didn’t approve? Let’s go.
You want that piercing? I’ll get one too.
11. I’ll approve of all the outfits your mother won’t.
Because she doesn’t understand your style and has always hated my clothes, too.
12. I’ve done all the stupid things you’re thinking about doing, and I have wicked good advice.
Such as, “Do it anyway”, or “Everyone's different. Try it for yourself”.
13. I believe painting on the walls and the face is a great way to express yourself.
I also run out of ways to entertain children after a couple hours, and this has proven effective.
14. I have no problem doing childish things in public.
I will ALWAYS be down for Wal-Mart hide and seek or racing carts in the parking lot.
15. I’m a good friend.
Your parents aren’t always there to be your friends. But I am. So you’ll probably like me better.
So, Sis, you’re in for a treat. Take all the vacations you want, go on a couple spa days, and don’t be surprised when you get home and we’re covered in glitter, face paint, and feathers, running around your house with Nerf guns and practicing parkour on your new furniture. Maybe I'll finally try mattress sliding.
Finally, I’d like to quote my sister as saying, “My kids won't ever be left alone with you once they learn to use language”.
We’ll see.
