Last week I traveled on four different planes! Although the destination that I reached was beautiful, the ride there was horrible. Here are 15 reasons why I hate airplanes.
- I feel like I have been on the plane for 235325 years before it even begins to move. I personally like to get to the airport 3 hours before my flight so that I don’t need to be glared at when I am the last person to get on.
- Having to shove your backpack completely under the seat so that the flight attendant is happy.Why? If my backpack is just at my feet, what will happen? Oooh it’ll tip over a little. Now my muffin is very squished and my magazine is crinkled. Thanks a lot.
- Turbulence. Okay. This plane is going down. Did anybody listen to the safety instructions? Did I listen to the safety instructions? Where is the lifevest? Are we even landing on water?
- I can never find the right position to sleep. Can somebody teach me the art of sleeping while sitting upright? It seems like everybody but me knows how.
- It is so cold. My toes are about to freeze off. Help.
- The bathrooms are so gross. They smell gross, they look gross, and where does all of the excrement even go?
- No, you cannot take both of the armrests. But did you even ask? No, so I could not tell you to move your arm because I am bad at talking to strangers who look angry and tired. I guess I’ll just keep my arms on my lap for six hours.
- These magazines are boring and all of the crossword puzzles are done. Yeah! I love to read about the best plastic surgeons in the US! Not.
- Please don’t try to talk to me. I have my headphones in. I couldn’t possibly care less about what you’re saying.
- People take their shoes off. Are you kidding me? Your feet stink; please just leave your shoes on.
- What do you mean the snacks aren’t complimentary? That tiny bag of pretzels is not worth $5.99. I guess I’ll just starve.
- Why can’t wifi be free? This plane ride would go so much faster with Twitter.
- Landing. This is it. This is the last time I will ever be able to hear anything. I think my ears are bleeding.
- Buddy, we all want to get off this plane ASAP. Just let everybody get off in order; stop rolling your eyes at the old woman who can’t get her bag out.
- I can’t hear you; you broke my ears with that landing. Do not try to say “thank you for flying with us” when I can’t reply back; it makes me feel like a bad person.
Can somebody please get on inventing a teleportation device soon? I don't know how many more airplanes I can get on.
