The struggle is all too real for us pale people when it comes to sunshine and even cosmetic products. Here is the ultimate list of #palepeopleproblems.
1. Being told to simply "go outside more."
Clearly non-pale people don't understand that the sun is the yellow devil and that we must be sheltered inside our homes for safety and protection at all times. But really, do you hear anyone telling dark-skinned people to stay inside more?
2. Always looking dead.
No need to ever dress up for Halloween. Everyone already expects you'll just go as a skeleton, vampire or ghost. No need to go through all that trouble trying to be something different for Halloween this year when you already own the perfect costume year round.
3. Sunburns are inevitable.
The biggest #palepeopleproblems is getting the most gnarly sunburns no matter what you do. Tanning? Burn. Playing sports? Burn. Sitting outside in the rain? Burn. Covered in clothes head to toe? Burn. Underneath your clothes. No matter what SPF or how often you apply sunscreen, you are risking the inevitable once you step outside into broad daylight.
4. Always looking sickly.
Even though you are a perfectly healthy human being, people will constantly run up to you, feeling your face, asking if you're okay and say that you're looking a bit "sick." Thanks for your concern, but this is just my face.
5. Being seen as "boring" or "basic."
Instead of labeling every pale girl as a "basic white girl" or thinking that pale people are uncultured or boring, remember that literally anyone across the globe, regardless of ethnicity, can be white or pale. Pale people come from all countries, continents and regions of the world such as Australia, the Middle East, South East Asia, Africa and Mexico. Not every pale person is a basic bimbo from America; be a little more cultured next time.
6. Contour is impossible.
If you're pale and you attempt to contour, everyone is going to know. The highlighter always seems to be too dark for your skin and the bronzer looks like soil on your fair complexion. If you dare to contour, I trust that you will try your absolute best to blend your makeup. I mean, all you can do is try, right?
7. You're a walking circulatory system.
We've all seen those cliche aesthetically-pleasing Tumblr pictures of pale girls with veiny skin. In reality, people view or skin with disgust as to how veiny our bodies look, as they count how many blood vessels they can spot on our hands, eyelids or jawlines. So that begs the question: Why is there a double-standard for visible blood vessels online verses in person? Stop shaming pale people for being human beings.
8. There is no happy medium for what color clothes you wear.
Picking out clothes to wear is always a struggle for us pale people. Want to wear a cute white dress? Too bad, your dress will just blend in with the rest of your body. Want to wear a bomb black top? Sorry, the black will contrast too much with your paleness and you'll look "goth" as the kids call it. Not even your fashion choices are safe from the wrath of #palepeopleproblems.
9. Unidentified bruises can be seen from afar.
Everyone-pale or not-gets those random bruises that you don't seem to recall ever getting. However, for us pale people, we get the most visible bruises in the most inconvenient places. It seems that every time you look in the mirror or go through your pictures on Instagram, a new bruise appears. From miles away, everyone can spot your fresh bruises on your pale flesh, and you feel like everyone keeps staring at you in distaste.
10. Finding makeup that matches your skin tone.
Cosmetic companies attempt to be inclusive of all skin colors, yet they often fail when it comes to providing makeup for us pale people. We tend to have to buy shades of "light" or "fair" and end up with mismatched, unnatural skin tones. Oh, and don't even bother buying spray tan.
11. Blushing so easily.
Pale people are used to having beat red faces around the clock. Blushing is extremely noticeable for us pale people and worse, when we exercise, all of our blood rushes straight to our faces. Don't worry, we are perfectly fine. We are just really bad at hiding our emotions.
12. Getting called "albino."
I'm not sure if the general populous understands the difference between paleness and albinism. Albinism is an actual medical condition, not a state of being "pale." Pale people still have pigment in their hair, eyes, freckles and lips. Comparing pale people to those with albinism doesn't make you witty or humorous, it just makes you look like a jerk.
13. Looking like a ghost in pictures.
Danny Phantom's famous catchphrase "I'm going ghost" hits a little to close to the heart for pale people when we try taking a decent picture or selfie. When we say lighting is key, we aren't lying. Pale people often look like ghosts in pictures, and the only visible features of our faces are usually our eyes, eyebrows and nostrils. Can someone say "Voldemort?"
14. Higher risk of skin cancer.
Our higher risk of skin cancer is a serious concern for us pale people. Our skin is more susceptible to benign skin cancers, and worse, melanoma. We have to take extra precautions to keep our skin healthy. Even if that means missing an entire day of fun at the beach, we mean business when it comes to our health and safety.
15. Multicultural crayon packages discrimination.
I'm sorry, but for our pale skin to be completely brushed off as the white crayon that nobody uses is complete discrimination. The multicultural crayon package labels all of its crayons as "flesh" and contains an array of beautiful skin tones, so why can't we have a crayon that appeals a little bit more to our skin tone? We are not all paper white.
As an ode to all of us pale people out there struggling with the insecurities and inconveniences brought onto us by our skin tone, remember that we are unique, beautiful and perfect the way we are. Forget about the stereotypical, tan figures on every magazine cover. Forget about every vampire stereotype digital media has created around our palish hue. Forget every judgement and head turn that has ever made you feel inferior or insignificant. Your pale skin does not define who you are, it is only a canvas for the magnificent creations and accomplishments you provide to the world.
