This summer, I've been living with my mom. She is my favorite person in the world: eternally optimistic, constantly chatting, obsessed with Ubering, and extremely talented in the kitchen. She is my inspiration, my rock, and the most consistent person I know. That being said, some of her phrases are very, very consistent. She likes to teach at every opportunity she's given, which is great; but whether she knows it or not, some of her lessons have been burned into my brain. I'm convinced that if you did a lobotomy on me, you'd find these 15 sayings etched into the side of the ol' noggin:

1. When my brother wanted to sleep in a sleeping bag beside a campfire in the fall:

"Go inside to sleep! You are going to get hypothermia! Yes you can get hypothermia in 60 degree weather. No Andrew, listen to me. You won't even realize it's happening. You just go to sleep, and then you die."

2. Whenever she has a household chore she doesn't want to do alone (this includes shoveling snow while it is still snowing, raking the entire three acre front yard by hand, cleaning out the garage, etc) :

"You are helping! No you do not get paid. This is FAMILY OBLIGATION. Having a family is a privilege, you know. You have to help. Yes, you do. COME BACK."

3. When she feels sorry for me, but is helpless to fix whatever is plaguing me that week (see breakups, failing tests, having a bad cross country race) :

"Things will be better in the morning."

^ I want to make fun of this, but I actually really love it. It keeps things in perspective, and has never been proved untrue.

4. Whenever she needs an excuse to treat herself:

"No, listen. I took a biology class- your brain needs glucose to function. I couldn't think. I couldn't see straight. And I was just trying to get home from work/do my homework/finish my taxes. I NEEDED that Milky Way."

5. Expressing herself in her true love language, feeding:

"Do you want something to eat? I have chicken, broccoli, pasta....you don't? The pasta is really good, I changed the sauce a little bit. Are you sure? Here, just finish up the chicken. No, I know you want some. I know that my kids never offer their friends food when they're actually STARVING. Oh, she did offer? Well, this will be really good. No, nonsense! It's no trouble. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. Eat it. I worked hard on it. It's already almost done heating up! Come on..."

I could continue.

^My friends, on their eighth serving of pasta^

5b. Alternatively, when she has made dinner but I have other plans:

"Dinner is ready!"

"Oh, actually, I think I'm going to the gym. But I'll eat when I get back."

"..........................what."

"I just-"

"You are banished from this family. I have no daughter. Pack your things."

**an exaggeration. But not a huge one.

6. Every single phone call or voicemail:

Keep in mind that I have her number saved, and that my phone says "1 missed call from Patrice," "1 new voicemail from Patrice," 1 new text from Patrice, etc.,

"HI HONEY. It's me, it's mommy!"

I know. I know it, hon. I got that.

**Yes I still call her 'mommy.' It's a habit, and I like it, and who asked you anyways.

7. When she was teaching us to cook (author's note- she is a professional chef) :

"Use everything you make! The profit is the the bottom of the bowl!"

Me: *furiously scraping the bottom of the bowl*

Patrice: *stands over me as if this is communist Russia and our rations for the month are in the bottom of the bowl*

8. When I am throwing up, have a migraine, a fever, a sinus infection, malaria, the zika virus, and chicken pox:

"You know, you really don't drink enough water. I bet if you drank some water you would feel better. You're dehydrated! I'm telling you. Come back here!"

9. When she decided to nickname the quarterback in high school. And then use it on him for the first time...from the window of our car...after football practice:

His name was Mitchell.

"MITCH! MITCH, HI! Hi, how's your mom? You looked good Mitch, you looked strong! It was so good to see you, Mitch. Say hi, kids! Say hi to Mitch! Yes, they're back there. They're hiding for some reason."

10. Having the strangest biases:

"I met this woman today, oh my gosh she was so nice. You can tell she's from the north. She just gets it. She just knows. She's put together, that one. She must be from Vermont. Or New York. Those people just get it, you know?"

(Author's note: before NC, she lived in Vermont and New York.)

11. Keeping us safe the best way she knew how:

"I will let you smell this beer. But no drinking. You can get addicted from one sip. No, I'm serious! One sip. It happens."

"Yes I know it is January 1st, and you are home and safe, and 20 years 11.5 months old. No, you may not drink half a flute of champagne for New Year's! ONE SIP, why do you not listen to me?!"

"I never drank as a teen. Well, my friends and I would get tipsy. But nothing dangerous. Just hanging out in a friend's basement, you know, we'd have like, one beer. Once though, we got "tipsy" and stole a street sign! Yea, it was fun! ha ha ha...yea, but no drinking ok? Not good for you. ONE SIP."

12. Providing for us (this should be read "projecting her fears") :

"I was thinking we could get you some winter boots! You know, in Vermont you could wear two pairs of socks and boots and still get frostbite on your toes. They'd turn black and just fall off."

And somehow I found myself coming home with men's size 11 construction boots, which were triple-insulated, steel-toed, and electricity-resistant.

Also, it was 80 degrees on Christmas last year in North Carolina. Just saying.

13. Yet another cooking tip that I probably say in my sleep:

"With serrated knives, you saw faster than you push. See how I'm doing it? I am sawing back and forth with more force than I am pushing down on this roll. Are you watching?"

14. When her job shifts a lot, so we have to hop on opportunities:

"Okay, so the old insurance gave us free vision services, so go ahead and make an eye doctor's appointment before it expires in May. Our new one kicks in come June, so no hurting yourself for a month, okay? Once the new one kicks in, we won't have vision but we WILL have dental, so that's when you'll need to go to the dentist. As far as family practice, the old one gives us a $30 copay, but the new one is free if we use this doctor 50 miles away. That one's really up to you..."

15. And finally, no matter how grouchy, hateful, angry, and awful I've been on the phone, or before I go to bed, or as I'm leaving to go out:

"Be safe! I love you honey."

I really don't have a joke for this one. I'm very grateful for this habit of hers.

Let's face it, our mom is our best friend. We know her like the back of our hand. And, scariest of all, we are slowly becoming her. Last week I was watching my fiance cut up fruit and heard "Saw faster than you push!" in a voice that sounded eerily like my own. In my case...I don't know. That's really not such a bad thing.

I love you too, Patrice.