You have an idea of where you're going and how you'll get there, but you'll have to survive the ride.
1. The Unsolicited Helper. This person steps up to the plate. Too bad the plate is covered in figurative dust and nobody needs him/her to play the game. Makes it their obligation to narrate Apple Maps directions on a 100-mile highway, much to the driver's annoyance. Temporarily chimes in with an updated weather forecast. But it feels good to be needed?
2. The Sleeper. Born with the gift of being able to sleep anywhere at any time. Well aware of his/her ability, they come prepared with a blanket or neck pillow. Eyes are closed for majority of trip. Conveniently wakes up for bathroom stops, food, and brief "highlight reel" moments. At end of the trip, exits vehicle with assertion that the ride "wasn't too bad."
3. The Talking Autobiography. It may or may not take one comment or inquiry from another rider for this person to fill the air with words. You come away from trip with a plethora of unnecessary knowledge, including his/her place of birth, near-death encounter, and toothbrush preference. Will someday publish said life details if incentivized to stop speaking.
4. The Informant. Like the the Talking Autobiography, this person is eager to converse. He/she wants to talk about Syrian refugees, the stock market, and other topics from yesterday's Wall Street Journal. Willing to debate for hours and ready to ridicule anyone that brings up pop culture.
5. The Bladder Brat. Peers know what they're in for when this person boards the vehicle with a supersized water bottle. Whether this person is constantly excessively hydrated or just has a small bladder is to be speculated; either way, he/she is always looking for the next exit.
6. The Scholar. Brought a project to work on. Reads diligently throughout the ride and highlights every other sentence, making you wonder if your transcribed life would be half as significant at that book. Has a clip-on reading lamp ready in the event that natural lighting fails.
7. The Vocalist. Belts out annoying-yet-catchy tunes like nobody's business. Headphones may be the best way to fight these songs from outlasting the ride.
8. The Unpaid Photographer. Willing to kill their phone battery for the sake of documenting the ride. Tries to capture people at their worst. Throws objects at people for entertainment purposes. Lives "for the likes." Takes pictures when the Sleeper is vulnerable and videos the Vocalist in action. Posts them to Snapchat, along with geotagged window scene, so that everyone not on the trip can see he/she is enigmatically en route to somewhere.
9. The Loud Laugher. Passengers talking to him/her walk away from the road trip convinced of their futures in stand-up (sit-down?) comedy.
10. The Unfortunately Unprepared. Brought nothing... no books, no headphones, maybe not even good vibes. Stares out the window thinking about what he/she could have packed.
11. The One Who Can't Be Tamed. Crap includes wrappers, plastic bottles, and unnecessary clothing items. Crap takes up room in the aisle/on the floor. Reclines seat and uses both armrests. What is personal space? A hoarder. Keeps whipping Ziplock bags of snacks out of their backpack. Does not share with the Unfortunately Unprepared.
12. The Chronic Complainer. Are you there yet? The music sucks. Can't stand looking at the back of so-and-so's head any longer. Trip probably isn't even worth it. Something smells. Left pinky is cramping. This ride is, like, hell.
13. The Gossip Girl/Guy. This person's phone battery will outlive the Unpaid Photographer's, but not by much. Figures calling a friend, Grandma, and everybody's mothers will kill some time. Isn't afraid to drop names of those around them. When the phone is off, he/she wants to discuss personal issues... and too loudly. A terrible whisperer, this person's "quiet voice" matches your normal volume.
14. The One Who Can Read. Not to be confused with the Scholar, this person passed first grade with flying colors and is ready to prove it by reading aloud every sign, store and restaurant name, and license plate passed. Goes into somewhat of a hiatus on highways, but is relentless when driving through towns/cities.
15. You. The only 99.99 percent normal, sane person on board... and the first person to get off.
