Let's just say the entire world has been getting pretty fed up with the Cheeto man's doings.
There's a hurricane? Verbally attack officials and send some paper towels to soak up the water: brilliant.
Football players decide to peacefully protest? Arrange publicity stunts to make it about you. (Who would've thought Dems would get football in the divorce?)
Deadly mass shooting? True Americans would have turned it into a shootout!
White supremacist rally? Make the "two sides to every story" claim. Hate to break it to ya Donny, but Nazis = bad.
In order to take out my frustration, I'm going to do something constructive! Like, write an article about how I would literally rather have just about anyone else be president than this maniac. But instead of having just anyone be president, I've decided to pull from a group of folks who have already had the command — whether they exist or not is of little importance.
1. President James Marshall (Harrison Ford) in "Air Force One"
The dude single-handedly took out a bunch of terrorists and zip-lined everyone off of a plane with no pilot. I'd like to see someone try that with Cheeto fingers.
2. Selina Meyer (Julia Louis-Dreyfus) on "Veep"
I would vote for her any day of the week - from dealing with too-loud heels to frozen yogurt meet-and-greets, she would know how to kick the misogynistic heterosexual male hegemony right in the metaphorical balls.
3. The President (E.G. Marshall) in "Superman II"
If you've ever seen this movie, you'll know that Superman somehow flew the 'S' from his suit onto an unsuspecting enemy and it confused us all; enough so to make us slightly root for Zod. So when the generic president guy literally hands the planet over to Zod, part of us is surprised, but most of us just wish Superman wasn't able to turn back time.
4. James Sawyer (Jamie Foxx) in "White House Down"
Channing Tatum bodyguard. 'Nuff said.
5. Fitzgerald Grant III (Tony Goldwyn) on "Scandal"
He negotiated with terrorists and essentially started a war just to save his mistress. But he voiced Tarzan, so you can't help but feel for the dude.
6. Thomas Wilson (Danny Glover) in "2012"
Um, he freaking survived John Cusack trying to save his family from the end of the world for two hours - could you do that?!
7. Joe Bauers (Luke Wilson) in "Idiocracy"
He survived being frozen for 500 years! Being blue is better than orange amirite? Sure, he's the president of a bunch of idiots, but he got people to stop watering plants with Gatorade, so he's basically super against global warming. Plus, Trump is pretty much a president to idiots too.
8. Carlos Estevez (Charlie Sheen) in "Machete Kills"
Everyone loves a good rated-R gory spin-off of a beloved children's film like "Spy Kids," so obviously president Charlie Sheen is at least as good as Trump.
9. Tom Beck (Morgan Freeman) in "Deep Impact"
Guys, it's Morgan Freeman. Come On.
10. Laura Roslin (Mary McDonnell) on "Battlestar Galactica"
Okay, I can't pretend to be familiar with Battlestar Galactica, I'm just thinking about the Office.
11. Francis Underwood (Kevin Spacey) on "House of Cards"
Kevin Spacey may be under fire in the news for getting handsy with a young boy, but Francis didn't do that, right? Plus, he's married to the Princess Bride, so I'm pretty sure that's a trump.
12. Thomas Whitmore (Bill Pullman) in "Independence Day"
He pretty much sucked as the president, but he was really great at flying a plane for some reason.
13. Sylar (Zachary Quinto) on "Heroes"
He was actually just wearing the face of another dude, but he definitely tried to sleep with a girl in the guise of her father, so that's great. 2007 was a lawless wasteland, but I'd still rather be there.
14. Josiah Bartlet (Martin Sheen) on "The West Wing"
A lot of people consider him to be one of the best presidents even amongst actual presidents, so that's enough for me.
15. Corialanus Snow (Donald Sutherland) in "The Hunger Games"
Okay, maybe this one's a stretch, but we're getting desperate. And how different are his motives from DACA?
