Manipulative people don't know they are manipulative. Odds are, you don't realize they are either. When you get caught up in a new relationship, whether romantic or platonic, you tend to only see the best of someone. Watch out for these fifteen signs to a manipulative person in yourself and others, and recognize that there is a very fine grey line between manipulation and psychological abuse.

1. They only talk to you.

As charismatic as your new companion may be, if they have all the time in the world to spend on you, something is up. Healthy people are able to maintain multiple social relationships at once. If they can't, there's a reason people don't spend time with them. As wonderful as it feels to be doted on 24/7, be wary.

2. They expect that you only talk to them.

Your companion should allow you ample time to privilege them with a text back. Even if they were dying, it is not your responsibility to leave class or work to be on hand at all times. You have a life and other friends with whom you will be living in the moment. A companion who has no respect for your schedule shows a clear sign of isolationism, as well as your brightly lit warning sign to walk away. Respect for you includes a respect for your time and schedule.

3. They get jealous of your friends.

Jealousy is a large, wide lake with a very thin coat of ice on it. We have all been jealous at one point or another. We tend to always have means to justify it within ourselves, but not when we see it represented in someone else. This stems from an internal sense of egocentrism, or the idea that we are the center of the universe, and everyone around us exists for our satisfaction. The danger is that the jealous mind removes the autonomy of self from the affected individuals. Your companion might believe that you care about your friends more than them, as represented in your actions, your time, or the way you talk about them. Their ego-centrism leads to the belief that they deserve more of your time than they are getting, without respect to your autonomy to best choose how you spend your time. Yes, it belongs to you. No, they do not have a right to any of it.

Repeat after me. No one has a right to your anything, ever.

4. They're rude to your friends.

Sometimes this looks like dragging you away by the arm when someone steps on their toes, but sometimes it looks as simple as not even trying to get to know the very people who you enjoy spending time with. If they really care about your interests, they will respect and be interested in your friends.

5. They get jealous of your family.

Jealousy in and of itself is a warning sign, but to be jealous of your family takes it a step further. Your family are the people who raised you, who have seen you at your absolute worst and still have not walked away. You don't get to choose your family, and your new companion doesn't get to choose the duration of time you want to spend with them. At the end of the day, your companions will come and go, and until you have spent the majority of your life with them by your side, they have not put in the hours and commitment that your family has. Have no shame in fiercely reminding them of this the next time they pout when you go to lunch with your grandmother.

6. They don't trust you without them.

Similar to jealousy, mistrust is a dangerous characteristic we have all fallen victim to at one point or another. It is human nature to wonder "what if" in the hours of separation. The thoughts themselves are not dangerous, but the actions following are. It is one thing for your companion to question your whereabouts or motivations, but another thing entirely for them to notify you of your supposed "untrustworthiness." Other times they may accuse you of lying.

Trust is not about your actions, it is about their perceptions. You cannot make someone trust you if they don't want to trust you. Furthermore if you have broken someone's trust, it is not up to you to fix it. They alone have the power to grant you trust again. The idea that you would ever have to prove yourself to someone with regulation perpetuates the idea that trust can be obtained systematically. Trust is not mathematically formulated, it is personally assigned by your companion, not by you.

7. They gaslight you.

Gaslighting is most effective when paired with isolation tactics. It gets it's name from a story, where a woman thinks the house is too dim, and turns up the gas light. When she leaves the room, her partner turns the light back down again, but denies it when confronted about it upon her re-entry. This pits the woman against her partner, and she concedes to spare a fight, concluding that she must be imagining things. This cycle repeats, each time the woman believing less and less of her own thoughts as she submits more frequently to the words of her partner, who is in fact lying and intentionally degrading her self esteem.

Obviously, we no longer have gas lights, but in our modern day culture gaslighting could show up in other ways. One of the most common examples is the response "I'm fine" in a circumstance in which the person is very clearly displeased. Sometimes this occurs as a way to duck out of an uncomfortable situation, but it also frequently occurs as a way to normalize pent-up aggression in a relationship. Trust your own thoughts and instincts more than your companion's words. Be honest with yourself and your companion about how you feel. If you doubt yourself often, consider talking about the situation with a third party, who will view you and your companion as equal parties.

8. You're familiar with the phrase "Because I love you."

Whether it's a surprise bouquet of flowers in front of your parents, or a blatant degradation to your career choices, "Because, I love you" is perhaps one of the most frequently missed forms of manipulation on this list. Love is a feeling, not a validation of action. Your companions are certainly allowed to feel love for you, but communication is necessary to ensure that love is expressed in a way that makes you feel comfortable. This phrase convinces victims that the negative emotions they feel is what love feels like. In reality, love is expressed with consent of both parties. Any action taken without your enthusiastic consent becomes a selfish fulfillment of your companion's desires.

9. They dance around serious issues.

Healthy relationships are built around a foundation of communication. The deeper and stronger your relationship gets, the conversations should follow. If your companion is unwilling to talk about conflict within your relationship, or if they laugh off intense conversation before diverting attention elsewhere, then you may need to evaluate the intimacy levels between the two of you. It could be that they are uncomfortable with those topics and wish to avoid them. But some manipulative companions exclusively choose when to have these kinds of conversations, and some make you feel as though you haven't talked about the issue at all, even after two hours of conversation. Some tactics include generalization of statements, summarizing what you think before you've fully expressed yourself, and diverting attention towards a smaller issue that is more manageable and easily fixed.

10. You apologize for everything.

Apologizing first during an argument is one thing. Apologizing for coming home from a long day and wanting to vent, only to be met with hostility from your companion is another. With a manipulative companion conversation can begin with expressing your personal discontents, and end with you apologizing for placing your burdens on their already heavy shoulders. Support, communication, apologies and forgiveness need to be given freely and often in a healthy relationship, from both parties. When one person is the only one who apologizes, they learn to take on more initial guilt, creating a cycle that constantly validates a manipulative behavior while driving the victim further into the ground.

11. They make you feel like you aren't good enough.

Similar to gaslighting and constant apologies, any behavior that drives down your own self-confidence is a warning sign. The right companions will make you feel as though you can conquer the world, not as though you owe the world something. Pointing out your flaws, comparing accomplishments, jobs, financial situations, and successes to themselves or to those around you will never be considered constructive criticism.

12. They pressure you into doing things you don't want to do.

The equally manipulative opposing argument to "Because, I love you" is "If you really loved me." From sex, to a night out, to canceling plans with friends, coercion is coercion is coercion. A healthy relationship exists when two people enjoy spending time with one another, doing things that both enjoy. If at any point you feel uncomfortable telling your companion "no," it's time to analyze why. Decide if it's healthy to sacrifice your own comfort for your partner's desires. Above all, value yourself enough to put your own needs on par with theirs.

13. They distract you with things that "prove their love."

We all have love languages, the ways in which we communicate that shows our affection. For some, it is physical love in the forms of hugs and back rubs. For others, it's gifts, or time, or words, or actions. Healthy relationships can use this information to love one another better. Unhealthy relationships are born from this kind of information when one party uses specific love languages to win back the affection of the other party after a fight, or when they want something in return. There is no exchange rate for favors or gifts to win over your affection. Your feelings should take priority over their reactions to your feelings, no matter how negative.

14. Your friends and family don't like them.

There are many many people around you who care for you more than you will ever know. Regardless of your new companion, the novelty is bound to wear off. You will return to reality from your honeymoon stage, and once you have it is vital that you begin listening to how your friends and family feel about this new person in your life. These are the people you respect most. Like a faithful dog, they want what is best for you, and are not afraid to bark up any tree that is suspicious. Trust them.

15. You find yourself validating their behavior.

Maybe you clicked on this article with someone in mind, and maybe you've been seeing characteristics of your relationships within this list. Maybe you've been mentally arguing the entire way through, saying that these symptoms are terrible and dangerous, but that your relationship is different. You find a way to see their point of view, and to think around their inexcusable actions. You choose to ignore certain arguments with your friends or your family when it comes to your companion, instead choosing to defend them. Others "just don't understand them like you do." Maybe, think about the idea that they see your relationship in a clearer light than you do.

This is the wake-up call you've been looking for.

Life is a respectfully selfish affair. Your happiness is most important to your health, as long as the implementation of that happiness does not include infringement on the happiness and health of others. Be careful that you don't fall victim to those who haven't learned these rules yet.

None of the fifteen warning signs above constitute manipulation on their own. But if in reading this article a specific relationship of yours came to mind, consider talking to those who care about you most about how healthy or unhealthy your relationship is. Do not let yourself feel guilty for walking away from someone who causes you any amount of distress. Regardless of their proclamations of love, this is your life and don't you dare let anyone else tell you how to live it.