1. You will have conversations with your co-workers that begin with statements like this: "Do you remember the time that old lesbian hit on you?" and end with "yeah she asked me if we had any chicken and when I said yes we have something called the dirty chicken sandwich, she responded by saying 'I bet you like it dirty" and then winking.
2. Working in the service industry will give you thick skin. If you can last a shift without crying, wanting your mommy or consuming some sort of frowned upon substance then you have some chance of making it in the industry.
3. The chefs that never learn your name, only seem to know curse words and are constantly abusing the kitchen staff in a Gorden Ramsey "idiot sandwich" type of way are usually the best chefs. The nastier the chef, the better the food.
4. You will have at least one table a week that leaves you either no tip or a dollar that looks like it just left the strip club and a pile of change scattered across the table like confetti on New Years. Those people deserve to be shit on.
5. Scratch that, the people who deserve to be shit on are those who ask to see a manager and complain about you in front of you for something that is absolutely out of your control.
6. No matter what restaurant you work at they all have one thing in common, Most of the staff is sleeping together, previously slept together or planning to sleep with each other.
7. You will have some customers hand you their plate with an almost completely consumed piece of fish and say something like: "The tuna was a bit too salty for me, I would like it taken off my bill."
8. There are many personalities you meet while working in the industry. Somehow you magically develop this skill that allows you to determine if you're going to be serving a table of Mother Teresa's or a table of evil spawns in just one glance.
9. There is nothing worse than taking a giant order and then the kitchen telling you the are 86ed on the chowder. The same chowder that four of your customers just ordered.
10. You will have co-workers that will stop showing up to work and you will probably never see them again. Secretly, you will be cheering for your fallen friends who are finally free.
11. If you're a female in the industry you will at least be drunkenly hit on by a man at least once a week. "Sweetheart" is one thing but if it goes any further then that shut them down like your mama taught you.
12. There is always a customer who knows you close at 10 pm so makes an effort to come into the restaurant at 9:57 pm and order a full three-course meal and an extremely complicated drink that may or not exist. These people are the worse kind of people.
13. There is always at least one server or bartender that is constantly spewing out comments about how bad your manager is and how much better they would be if they were the manager. These people are usually idiots.
14. By laundry day all of your clothing is going to smell like the restaurant. Even the clothing you did not wear to work will smell. You can run but you cannot hide from the "smelly smell that smells."
