After four of the best years of my life at the University of Minnesota, it's hard to come to terms with the realization of graduating and moving out of Dinkytown. There have to be some benefits of leaving this beautiful place, right? Well, here are 14 things that you won't be missing after graduation.
1. The preachers in the mall
It's the first warm day out on the mall. You luck out and actually snag an Adirondack chair, because I guess the U only thinks eight people want to sit in the mall at a time. Just as you're closing your eyes to soak up the sunshine, you hear the voice of a middle-aged man yelling from behind you. Ah, yes. The sun is out and so are the preachers. Today wasn't the ideal day to find out you're going to hell, but at least everyone else on this campus is, too.
2. Getting stuck behind tour groups when you're late to class
To your right, you'll see Walter library, and to your left, you'll see a student very frustrated that we're walking the speed of 97-year-olds and taking up the entire path so there is absolutely no way they can pass us. Choose Minnesota and you could be that student next year!
3. The line at Coffman Starbucks during lunch
15 minutes between your classes and you're aching for caffeine. Coffman is right next door so you'll just swing by quick, right? You wish. 45 minutes later, you're a half hour late to class, but at least you've got your grande chai tea latte.
4. The "I know someone who goes to the U. Do you know them?" question
I know there's 51,000 students that go there and they're not in the same college as you or the same grade as you or involved in any of the same activities you are, but I thought that you guys might be friends?
5. People constantly asking you if you would like to join their bible study
One minute you're being nice and holding the door open for someone and the next, you're trying to figure out why you just gave that nice girl your phone number so you can meet up and talk about God every Tuesday.
6. When every middle school in the metro has a field trip on the same day
How old am I? What year is it? Did I accidentally walk to the local middle school instead of my advanced physics lecture this morning?
7. When it's 40 below zero but you still have to walk a few miles to class
You thought it was bad when you didn't get a snow day in high school, but then you realized that the likelihood of snow days drops even further in college and you have to walk a half hour to campus and then keep going outside because you still don't understand the Gopher Way.
8. The super unreliable campus connector schedule
When they said "every five minutes," they must've meant that was an average because waiting 40 minutes and then having eight in a row come averages to about one every five minutes. Where have they been hanging out? Probably that stop at Carlson that you sometimes have to wait at packed like sardines for an additional 20 minutes.
9. Waiting four hours for the Gopher Chauffer
There's a free service that will pick me up and drop me off so I don't have to walk home late at night? Awesome! We just have to make sure we're planning at least four hours in advance.
10. When you just want a chill night with Netflix and D.P. Dough in your bed but everyone else wants to party
It's been a rough week, but you can't wait to just kick back and rel....ARGHRHARAGHADHUDAJSDIAWDIJDB. Nevermind. It's only 7 p.m., but that random guy walking down your street already managed to break his foot drunkenly trying to kick over your garbage can. He'll be screaming nonsense outside of your window until the paramedics arrive.
11. Spending $4.75 on a rail because your friends made you go to Blarney's too early in the night
Okay, okay. It's still cheaper than that time your friends all thought it would be a good idea to go out in Uptown, but there's something about transitioning from $2.50 to $4.75 just because you walked around the block that's especially painful. Not to mention you spent all your cash at The Library, and Blarns has a $5 card minimum so you walk away double fisting but crying because you're $10 lighter.
12. Finals at 8 a.m. on a Saturday
After that first semester freshman year, you knew you couldn't do it. Class at 8 a.m. was never going to work out for you. That's why when your 3:30 p.m. anthropology class announced the final would be taking place at 8 a.m., it was a tough pill to swallow. Then you checked your planner and saw that the date of your final landed on a Saturday. There's nothing crueler.
13. The line at Mesa after bar close
It's 2:03 a.m. and you couldn't be craving anything more than a slice of mac and cheese pizza. Good thing Mesa is just around the corner. Bad thing that you have to wait until 3:03 a.m. in a line out the door to actually get your pizza.
14. Trying to find somewhere to sit in Coffman
You would think a student union would have plenty of seating, but you would be mistaken. You search floor after floor and there's no good spot to eat your lunch. At least when you do get a spot, you feel like you're sitting on a throne with how comfortable and big the chairs are.
