Medical students. We're a bunch of psychos, to be totally honest. We're perfectionists in every sense of the word, losing sleep over every 0.01 that is chipped off of our grade point averages. However, we strive for this perfection in hopes of being the best doctors, physician assistants, nurse practitioners, or other heath care providers possible. With human lives resting in our hands in the not-so-distant future, college is actually a pretty big deal. Just about everyone has a family doctor or has been to the hospital for one reason or another, so there's a lot to talk about with medical students. But, being completely honest, we hear many of the same things over and over, and I think we have some common responses to those comments and questions.
1. Sorry, we can't diagnose what's wrong with you just yet.
This is probably the one thing that every single person studying medicine can relate to. We’re usually too curious to totally brush off your request to hear what ailments are plaguing you, but don’t expect us to be able to confidently tell you what’s wrong with your body. On Christmas last year, my great uncle talked to me for 15 minutes about a rash that was on one side of his body. I told him at least five times I had absolutely no idea what was wrong with him, but he insisted on telling me about all of the creams he’s used and all of the dermatologists he’d visited. As a junior Pre-Medicine/Physician Assistant major, I’ve taken the usual gen-ed’s and a few basic biology courses. If your dermatologist is stumped, it’s safe to say I haven’t a damn clue either why you have this mysterious and pretty disgusting rash. We’d love to help, but sometimes, we just can’t.
2. Although we're comfortable with gross things, don't expect us to volunteer to clean up those types of things.
One of unwritten pre-req’s to get into a profession as a healthcare provider is to have a stomach for things that the average person would go running away from. However, coming in contact with things you regard as gross probably isn’t our favorite thing either. If a drunk girl misses the toilet at a house party, I probably will still not step up to get on my hands and knees with the paper towels and Lysol.
3. Yes, there are real, actual dead bodies in the cadaver lab. Seriously.
There’s obviously a sort of morbid curiosity among non-medical majors if your school has a cadaver lab. Part of just about any graduate medical curriculum does involve dealing with cadavers, or deceased human bodies donated to science. Yes, it’s pretty weird at first. With that being said, we’re probably happy to answer your questions, but hearing your gasps and the continual insisting that it’s just plain eerie kind of gets old.
4. The "shouldn't you be studying?" joke when you see us out isn't actually all that funny.
Anyone that has a handle on the balance between academics and a social life has gotten this one before. Yes, you're right; maybe we should be studying. But maybe we also want to go indulge and get our minds off of school for a night or two. I’m sure you probably have an essay deadline or a test date looming in the near future, but here you are, doing the same thing we're doing.
5. On that note, yes, all of us have time and some of us chose to go out.
Just about all of us with demanding majors have to spend some late nights in the library slowly going insane. However, school is all about balancing things and wise time management. It’s certainly possible to be a party boy/girl and still kick ass academically. Some people do it better than others, but there’s no reason why any college student can’t make at least the occasional appearance at the local bar or party.
6. Please don't bring up medical or graduate school acceptances out of the blue. Especially not out drinking.
Medical school and graduate school acceptance is seriously a battle. It’s stressful and brings so many people to the brink of insanity just thinking about it. It’s hard enough to converse about the applications and waiting period with guidance counselors and our parents, so we usually don’t want to talk about it with friends. Some drunk people get asked about it and literally burst into tears. It’s not fun. Really.
7. Not all of us are health freaks, so don't expect us to be and act surprised when we're not.
Plenty of medical students, drink, smoke, eat like crap, skip the gym a few more times than they’d prefer, and generally just abuse their bodies. We know the risks just like everyone else, but that’s not why we want to go into medicine. We want to try and help other people, and our bodies are ours to do what we want to them. It’s obviously a little hypocritical, yes, but we’re all free to do what we damn well please.
8. When you see us with illustrations and pictures of genitalia on our laptops and textbooks, we're definitely studying and aren't just viewing these things for fun.
Any medical student remembers the days of anatomy class and the necessary studying of diagrams of penises and vaginas in the library. We’ve all probably felt the weird looks over our shoulders and the whispering between people about what we’re staring at. It’s all science and it’s just another day for us. The human body is actually pretty damn cool when you take the time to appreciate it and stop giggling like a little schoolgirl every time a word involving your private regions is said.
9. Yes, all of us will definitely have to touch someone else's genitalia at some point or another. It's also not all that funny to talk about.
I once had a roommate that asked me at the most random times, “Yo, Dr. E-Will, are you excited that you’re gonna have to touch my balls one day?” I’d be lying if I said this didn’t crack me up. However, it’s a very real fact of going into medicine: you’ll probably have to see people and examine people in various stages of undress, but that’s why we did all of our studying mentioned in number eight.
10. Ok, how about just no jokes about genitalia from now on?
This is probably just the best policy. There are so many aspects of medicine not involving our nether regions, so we can probably just make those our focus instead of just talking about penises and vaginas all day.
11. We're all very comfortable about talking about any and all aspects of medicine, no matter how gross or weird they might be to you.
I can’t even begin to mention all of the times that I’ve caught myself in the dining hall talking about an exam with friends and realized that I probably just ruined a few surrounding person’s appetites. Most of us studying medicine really don’t have a filter, and for that, we apologize. As mentioned before, it’s all just science to us.
12. We know that the road to becoming a healthcare practitioner is long and not worth it to some people.
One of the most idiotic questions that I’ve heard sarcastically asked to a Pre-Medical major is, “Oh, so are you a doctor yet?” This question might not make a lot of sense to some people, but it’s indirectly insulting the fact that becoming a doctor is a long road, just like any other medical occupation. Becoming a doctor requires, at a bare minimum, ten or eleven years, but can often take even longer. It’s really not for everyone, but if you’re talking to a Pre-Med, they’ve done their thinking and are set on what they want to do. Don’t rub it in that you’ll be out cracking away at your student loans years before we even finish school.
13. We're not any better than any other major, so don't believe for a second that we think that to be true.
Every single occupation in this world is necessary and is in place for a reason when you really begin to think about it. Otherwise, it just simply wouldn’t exist. Being a medical practitioner requires a very specific skillset that not everyone has, but that’s just how every other career is. Just because studying medicine requires a lot of effort doesn’t mean someone is “better”. If you’re talking to someone who’s in that sort of track and they try convincing you that something about them is better, you’re obviously speaking to an arrogant, pompous, and most certainly ignorant asshole. Don’t let that person define an entire group for you; some of us are actually pretty rad.
14. We're not going through the struggles of our undergraduate years, the stress of applying for graduate education, the years of clinical rotations, residencies, and fellowships, just because we want to make a lot of money.
It’s no secret that medical professionals make a comfortable living. However, there’s not a healthcare provider in this world that made it to they point they did simply through the pursuit of money. Getting to the point where the money starts to flow is a seemingly endless road that many people decide they can’t finish. Studies show that less than a fifth of freshman Pre-Med’s actually end up even applying to medical school, let alone get accepted. Those who are lucky enough to tack MD or DO to the end of their signature get that point because of one reason: a love for the field. The same applies to every other kind of provider.
It takes a special person to finish the marathon that is medical education. So be nice to these people! You or a loved one might actually end up being in their care one day. Just hope that they actually paid attention in all of those classes.
