I was born and raised in Rhode Island, so I know a thing or two about how crappy this state is.
So, let me join all the haters that insist we're part of New York (even though that's Long Island), and tell you 14 reasons why Rhode Island is the absolute worst, and you should NEVER EVER visit:
1. We call ourselves the Ocean State, but our beaches completely suck!
The beaches in Rhode Island, compared to other states' beaches, have softer sand, better waves, nicer water, and bigger shores, but that means nothing. Or does it mean everything?
2. There's absolutely nothing to do here.
Performing arts not your style? Then I guess you'll have to check out these other things you can do in Rhode Island.
3. We have terrible scenery.
Who wants to look at beautiful sunsets over an ocean and a bridge like this? Me. That's who.
4. Rhode Island is just a bunch of coastline.
You think it's impressive that Rhode Island can fit beaches, suburbs, city, and farm life all in 1,212 square miles? Yeah...me too.
5. Our state is just FULL of boring history.
I mean, Roger Williams coming here was completely pointless. I don't even know why we have a park named after him.
6. There's nowhere good to eat here.
Our restaurants are simply terrible. We lack food quality and decent plate presentation. Not to mention our restaurants have no personality. It's not like we were ranked one of America's Best Cities for Foodies in 2015 or anything.
7. Speaking of eating...our food is terrible.
Whoever came up with these weird food concoctions like Hot Weiners needs to be fired...or promoted! How dare they.
8. And for a state that's supposedly known for its oceans...we don't know how to make seafood.
No one even likes mouth watering lobster or stuffies, clamcakes and chowder from Iggy's, or any of that other seafood stuff, right? Oh, everyone does? My bad.
9. We definitely know nothing about beer.
Listen, no state wants their own delicious beer. So I don't know what you're trying to accomplish here, Lil Rhody.
10. ...Or drinks in general.
.
The feud between Del's Lemonade and coffee milk has got to end...clearly they both taste delicious.
11. The people here hatesports.
We don't support the Red Sox, or their minor league baseball Triple-A affiliate team, at all! That's exactly why everyone goes to their games.
12. There's nothing pretty to look at indoors.
Oh, wait...you consider the inside of the Newport Mansions to be "pretty?" OK...me too.
13. And there's DEFINITELY not anything pretty to look at outdoors.
I mean, water fire is OK I guess.
14. Basically, Rhode Island sucks all around.
No one wants to live here...so don't even think about bringing your friends to visit.
