Leaving Massachusetts can be hard. People who hail from the state have developed their own special New England-er culture that an be meet with skepticism and weird looks from anyone who have never been there. We take sports and coffee very seriously and are always boastful of our hometowns. Whether you grew up in the city, In Worcester (pronounced WOO-ster), In Amherst, or 45 minutes outside of Boston, all Massholes can bond over a few common idiosyncrasies we've developed over the past few years. So when one leaves their beloved home state, unfortunately, the habits stay with them. You can take the Masshole out of Mass, But you can't take Mass out of the Masshole. Here are a few problems you might run into when carrying your hometown spirit with you to the rest of our great nation.
1. There is no longer a plethora of Dunkins to choose from.
2. When you ask to go to the bubbler, people blankly stare at you.
The bubbler is a drinking fountain, but that seems to not register with people. They think you are asking them to light up in the middle of class. It will undoubtedly take too long to explain what a bubbler is, and people will assume you are an alienating disguising yourself on earth, so you just accept the loss and say “water fountain”3. Nowhere else in the world can even hold a candle to Autumn in New England.
Massachusetts is THE best place in the entire world to view the changing of the leaves. Nothing can rival the beauty, the apple picking, the hay rides, the apple cider donuts, and the corn mazes. No one will understand your blasé attitude to the beauty of nature. It just isn’t the same anywhere else.4. People actually consider 50 degrees to be cold.
You see people busting out parkas in 50 degrees and can’t help but let out an audible chuckle. Ah, good luck hun when it actually starts snowing. 50 degree is shorts weather.5. You assume stranger's kindness to you is sarcasm or a practical joke.
In Massachusetts, the best look you could have gotten from a stranger is a modified scowl if you make eye contact while passing on the street. Now, when someone strikes up a conversation in the elevator or in line for coffee, you get suspicious of them. People are not supposed to be this kind!6. The rest of the country do not share your die-hard obsession with the Pats.
Though Tom Brady and Gronk maybe be revered as messiahs in your hometown, the rest of the country LOATHES the entire team. You can not wear your jersey without someone mentioning “deflate-gate.” Whatever, the Pats still win, Tom Brady’s still the GOAT, and jealous haters are gonna hate on our successful city.
7. …Or your liberal attitude.
Boston is considered to be a blue state, and man oh man is it true. Mass was one of the first states to legalize gay marriage and decriminalize marijuana. Your high school class probably had a “token Republican” that everyone laughed at. But, after moving away, you actually realize that those people actually exist. Bill O’Reilly is real? Uh, that’s the stuff of nightmares right there. Can't we all just get along, man?
8. No one can watch “Good Will Hunting,” “The Town,” and “The Departed" as much as you can.
And you can probably recite the entire Robin Williams speech every time too. But every movie night can’t be Boston-based, and your friends will get annoyed at the accents. *sigh* some people just don’t appreciate great cinematic art.9. People won’t get in a car when you're behind the wheel because of the road rage.
Your friends scream “NO” every time you offer to drive since it will most likely involve a lot of lane switching, speeding, screaming, and sharp jerking motions. But hey, you learned to drive on the Mass Pike and it worked just fine there.10. Even if you speak normally, people will try to mimic your "BAWstan" accent
If you ask me to say “Park my car in Harvard Yard” I swear to might lose my marbles. Most people from Boston are actually highly educated and articulate people. Southie and Dorchester is a different story, giving the rest of us a bad name.
11. The clam chowder everywhere else has tomato in it. Gross.
The first time I order clam chowder outside of Massachusetts it was out of pure homesickness. By now stretch of the means did I expect it to live up to the standards of what I was accustom. But when the waiter put a red mess in front of my face I almost yakked. No. there are NO tomatoes in clam chowder. I’m sorry, but I had to send that one back.
12. You got funny looks when you asked someone to "run to the packie”
13. You can’t eat any seafood without complaining.
You have been spoiled your whole life with some of the freshest and cheapest seafood in the nation. Lobster prices are unbelievably cheap in MA:. But to you, this means that everywhere else is expensive since low prices are the norm. And you have no idea why you have to pay $12 for a Lobster roll that made you want to gag. Can you charge more for meat that's been rotting on a truck all day?14. People have zero clue how to drive in the snow
Being able to drive in the snow is Driver's Ed 101 in Mass. We KNOW we are all going to have to navigate the hazardous conditions for the majority of the year, so we have been preparing for years. But everywhere else, they only have snow for a few months, if that at most. So when the snow starts to fall, the idiots come out to play, sliding around on the ice, no scraping their windshields, and getting stuck going uphill. Freakin' amateurs.
