You probably read last weeks article about training for a half here. So, you've now trained for your half, you're well prepared (maybe) and you're totally ready to run for the next hours or two (maybe even three). Are you though? Are you really?

Mile 1: Bring it

I trained so hard. I am so prepared. Look at my new shorts and my new sports bra I AM COVERED IN BODYGLIDE I AM A HUMAN SLIP 'N SLIDE.

Mile 2: I literally am killing it I am a gazelle (or a duck).

WOW I totally just ran a 9 minute mile again? I'm going to finish this half in an hour and a half. I am the fastest half marathoner to live.

Mile 3: 5k DONE bitches.

Yeah, that's right- 3 miles I did it!!!! Only 10 to go and that's not even bad that's like two five miles or four 2.5 miles.

Mile 4: Wow this is so easy.

Seriously, I am speeding by people- good-bye bother of three with all three children in a stroller!! Good-bye sixty year old man power walking!! I am a gazelle, a cheetah. I am the fastest human to live. *Eats GU/Shotblocks/Other nutrition*

Mile 5: Still feeling it, still pumped.

UHHH I'm a champion. Five miles? That is SOO FAR. And I ran it, by myself. *Looks behind me to a sea of people* I AM KICKING ALL YOUR ASSES.

Mile 6: In .5-ish miles I'll be half way done.

Hell yeah I will be- I'm feeling great. I'm doing great. And now I can do great the last 6.5 or so miles.

Mile 7: Over halfway done!!!!

YEAH I AM. Halfway done a half. How did I get so badass? I really don't know.

Mile 8: I want to die.

I hate my life. Why did I do this to myself? Oh, look! That mother of three is passing me now- I'll catch up to you. I will.

Mile 9: Is that an ambulance?

Let's just lay down in the road. Right here. And not move ever again. They'll definitely pick me up, that's their job.

Mile 10: Only a 5k left!! Run through!!

Remember at the beginning? I felt so great. A 5k is nothing. I ran like 100 5k's. This is SIMPLE.

Mile 11: You're so close, don't cry.

Okay so I walked that mile, just run. Run through the pain. IS THAT THE POWER WALKER. God dammit.

Mile 12: You should have trained harder.

You should have definitely not skipped every single long run. You definitely should have trained a little harder- way to go.

Mile 13: .1 Miles to go.

.1 miles that is A MINUTE if you're running a ten minute mile.

Mile 13.1 Never again.

Never. No. No don't try to talk to me don't even TOUCH ME. Where is the pizza? Where is the ice cream? I don't want water that was useless when I was running. Give me my damn medal.

And yet, next weekend we'll be on the computer searching for our next half marathon. It is the worst time of your life that you will want to do over and over and over again.