I only claim to be an expert in very few areas. At the top of that list is, without a doubt, being single. But not in the way that I totally rock living the single life, more so in the way that I'm pretty damn good at ensuring I'm always single without even really trying. If you are better at talking to boys than I am, then I guarantee that you can relate to none of the following things.
1. Flirting is not in your vocabulary.
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You don't know how to recognize it and you definitely don't know how to use it. Helpful hint: telling someone to their face that they aren't that hot does not work. Reverse psychology is a myth.
2. You hate the thought of sharing.
Whether it be food, your bed or any sort of personal space, you'd much rather have it to yourself.
3. Dinner dates involve ordering take out, in your room, by yourself.
Netflix and chili, anyone?
4. You never believe that a person is actually flirting with you.
Your immediate response when someone says "That guy is totally in to you" is to just assume they're making a joke.
5. The most action you get is in the laundry room.
Specifically, when you're moving some guy's boxers to the dryer when there are no other washers available.
6. You probably remember the exact date you last hooked up with someone.
And those events are few and far between.
7. A good weekend is defined by accidental physical contact with a cute boy in passing.
Wait, can I add that to my hookup list?
8. The whole squad is more invested in your love life, or lack thereof, than you are.
#ReverseTheCurse.
9. You've gotten sad when looking at a picture of a hot guy because "he isn't yours."
When will male models be added to Amazon Prime?
10. Your parents have stopped even asking if you've found a special someone at school.
Because your answer is always just an obnoxious laugh that turns into tears.
11. Or there's a chance your parents have asked you what gender you're even into.
Or if you're just asexual.
12. You don't get the whole "waiting to text back" thing.
You need to find someone to text in the first place.
13. Let's be honest, you just have high standards for yourself.
Or at least, that's how you justify being eternally single!
