Syllabus Week

[sil-uh-buh s] [week]

noun

The first week of the new school year. Believed to be a week in which no homework is assigned but there are, in fact, assignments that are due. A time in which thirteen of the best and worst people come out to partaaayyyyy.

1. The Too-Cool Senior

Sorry, this is your fourth time going to rush parties. Take your sunglasses off and hit the bars, ya dingus.

2. The Too-Cool Freshman

“Oh yah I’m going to Pike and then Delts and then Sigs to shotgun some Natty Lights because I really know what all those are.”

3. The Confused Freshman

Is that a frat house? Wow, jungle juice, so exotic!

4. The Future Frat Star

Take off your navy Fratagonia and salmon Vineyard Vines shorts and take a hike to Theta-I-Don’t-Care

5. The Dirty Rusher

Wears a choker because she’s ~edgy~ Holds a red solo cup because she’s ~social~ Curls her hair with a wand because she’s ~natural~ Yells the lyrics to Chance because she’s ~cool~ Tells only the pretty girls her sorority because she’s ~top haus~

6. The Future Srat Star

“How short can my crop top be and how much of my butt is acceptable to show so that I get into only the BEST house?”

7. The Recent Graduate

Y. R. U. STILL. HERE. U. LOOK. LIKE. AN. ADULT. G. T. F. O.

8. The One That Can't Hold Their Stuff

The only perk to puking is that you get rid of the 80 calories in that tequila shot you just took.

9. The Overseer

No speaking. Only observing. Probably wearing sunglasses even though it is 1 am.

10. The Caretaker

“It’s okay, Jenny, you still look good even though you just fell off that table because you’re belligerent! Let’s just go home now, okay?

11. The Jenny From Before

Fell off the table. Is crying. Will most likely puke.

12. The Finesser

If it’s a guy, he’s talking to a girl. If it’s a girl, she’s talking to three guys.

13. The One That's Just Tryna Have A Good Time

They’re just trying to dance to “Despacito” without having a drink spilled on them, gosh.