13 Reasons Why is a Netflix original series based on the novel by Jay Asher. When this series hit Netflix, the show went viral. Some people loved the series while others argued that it was “glorifying and promoting suicide.” Schools were worried and sending letters home to concerned parents, trying to brush the situation under the rug.
I decided to sit down with, Jordan Yates, MA, LPC, NCC, who works at The Summit Counseling Center in Johns Creek, GA, to get his opinion on the series. Yates works with adolescents and families, specifically middle and high schoolers.
1. Audience and depiction of suicide.
We discussed Yates’ opinion on the show and his thoughts on how the series portrayed suicide. Yates argued 13 Reasons Why accurately revealed the impact of suicide within a community and how kids in school contribute to that by keeping this heavy weight to themselves. He added that the shielding from adults in the fictional series also happens in today’s schools regularly. Students tend to keep things to themselves, fearing that if an adult or parent found out, it would only make things worse. While the show provided an accurate depiction of suicide, Yates mentioned it was clear an adult wrote the original story line because there were “too many adult characteristics with these students. Deep conversations don’t happen nearly as often with [the high school] age group.” Adults, however, can be the ones having these ‘deep conversations’ about 13 Reasons Why in real life.
2. How schools reacted to the show.
When the series aired on Netflix, schools were sending home letters to angry and concerned parents stating they were aware of the situation and were banning discussion of the topic on school grounds. Regarding the schools that were cutting the topic off completely, Yates stated, “The problem with their reaction is if they don’t want to have the conversation, then someone else will. A school would be the best place to discuss the situation or somewhere with a trusted adult. Don’t hide from it.”
3. How the schools should have addressed the show.
“This is bigger than the show. The schools need to talk about mental health at an early age,” stated Yates. By giving students tools about mental health at an early age, the better off they will be. “We live in a culture that promotes ‘someone or something else makes you happy.’ It’s good for kids to see the false narrative of that as early as elementary school,” Yates explained. It’s important for kids to love themselves and make themselves happy, which should be taught at an early age. By teaching these tools, we are promoting better mental health at an early age. “It will prevent the type of community that formed in 13 Reasons Why with everyone looking for fulfillment in others, then self-medicating in extremely unhealthy ways when the inevitable disappointment follows.”
4. The continuous cycle.
By the end of the series, viewers can see this same cycle about to start again. When a suicide occurs, it can create a chain reaction, or continuous cycle. Yates explains that “when someone lets you down, you then go to the next person and the next. It’s a continuous cycle, chasing something that will never be found -- happiness found in someone or something else.” By teaching our students at an early age about mental health and their unique self worth, this continuous cycle can be stopped before it even begins.
5. Adults are just as guilty.
One key element in the series was when the main character, Hannah Baker, tried to approach her school counselor for help. When she approached him, she could sense that he was not comfortable with the conversation. When this happened, she shut down and walked away. “We are all guilty of it. When it comes to the topic of assault or suicide, it’s very easy to get caught up protecting ourselves first, whether it’s our own psyche because of the discomfort the subject brings, or from a teacher and counselor standpoint -- the glaring legal or ethical implications,” explained Yates. “When a student approaches an adult with an issue and they sense that that person is unwilling and uncomfortable, it creates a lack of trust.”
6. How to fix/create this broken trust.
Kids don’t always know who they can trust or turn to at school, leading most to lean on their own teenage devices. “The first few weeks of the school year, counselors should bring all students [individually into their office] and make the students aware that they are there for them,” stated Yates. “Counselors then need to let teachers and coaches know that they are there, too. Make it clear what they would do if a student shared something such as assault, suicide or illegal drinking with that adult.” By setting up this safe environment at an early point, students could at least legitimately consider going to these trusted adults in times of crisis. In 13 Reasons Why, “the adults weren’t stepping up. The kids felt that they had to be adults and they were left to their own devices to handle situations,” explained Yates. By having a counselor create a safe environment for a student, kids would not feel the need to navigate through these crises as adults.
7. Give adults the necessary tools.
13 Reasons Why caused many parents to worry even more about their kids. When this became an issue, schools need to validate that fear. “They already know their kids are in a world that is foreign to them,” said Yates. “Parents often feel incompetent and disconnected from their teenage kids now, so imagine then viewing a show that only further emphasizes how farfetched their world can be.” Parents, however, can flip this fear around into hopefully better understanding teenage experiences in 2017 and 13 Reasons Why created “a better understanding of that world” that students are living in, which allows opportunities for parents to better connect with their kids by viewing the series themselves.
8. How to work with schools as a mental health professional
When something traumatic occurs, such as a suicide, everyone wants to sweep it under the rug and pretend it’s not there. This same mentality revealed itself with the release of 13 Reasons Why and certain schools banning it from campus and some parents fearing any kind of engagement with the show. “The schools should open up a viewing for parents to see the series first. The school can acknowledge their fear and open it up to the community for discussion. You could even have a professional counselor there as well to help parents better understand certain things,” Yates said. “By creating this environment with the community, they can come up with their own action plan to address this.” Rather than pretending nothing is happening or fearing it, the schools can work together to create a plan and teach their students about mental health in proactive and reactive ways.
9. Reacting post-suicide.
One of the things The Summit Counseling Center does when a suicide occurs at a local school, they send in a crisis team. This team consists of a handful of therapists that go to the schools and speak with students directly affected with the crisis. This allows student the opportunity to talk in small groups or one on one. “There’s a better chance of kids opening up honestly one-on-one or within a small group as opposed to within large assembly of students,” Yates explained. By creating this united community, we can reach out to students directly impacted by the event as well as other schools in the area that could also be affected.
10. Students.
As students, we often feel that we cannot let adults know what’s happening in our world or our fellow classmates’ world. In 13 Reasons Why, we see the main character struggle to find someone to confide in about her crises or her friends’ troubles. And, there is also the additional fear of being outed and badgered for being the one to alert someone in the adult world of what was supposed to remain in these teenage circles. Regardless, it is important for students to have a trusted adult that they can go to and, thankfully, middle ground can be found in this common student dilemma. “The most important thing is the information, not about who reports the situation. Kids need a trusted adult to go to and they can achieve that with the request that they remain anonymous,” stated Yates. “This would reduce anxiety for those caught in this teenage crossfire so that they don’t feel the need to operate as an adult. This gives students a safe, age-appropriate way to handle these situations, by handing it over to the adults to take care of it.”
11. Coaches.
Outside of the school setting, many kids are involved in sports which makes it important for coaches to be a trusted resource for students. Coaches get to see kids when they let their guards down, which allows for a better position to be “tuned in with what is happening in their lives.” Yates said. “When a student feels they need to protect a secret, it creates anxiety. That anxiety affects that individual’s play for the worse, and in turn, affects the entire team. So, it’s even in the coaches’ best self interests to intervene, investigate and take on the responsibility of taking charge in that given situation.
12. Professional counselors in schools.
“People are recognizing that mental health is a thing that’s here to stay,” stated Yates. Because all schools do not have a professional counselor on staff, it is important for other faculty members to have some form of training to recognize mental health signs. By training faculty members to recognize mental health signs, students will feel more comfortable going to adults and adults are more equipped to help students.
13. Parents against mental health.
“Some parents are against talking about mental health because they are scared. They don’t know how to approach it,” said Yates. “They may have never experienced counseling themselves.” Adults would rather not talk about mental health because they don’t understand it and may feel uncomfortable discussing it. “Mental health is something that is necessary. Even if they feel incompetent, there are things they can do to build their confidence and competence as parents,” explained Yates. “Having honest conversations about shows like 13 Reasons Why is a start, engaging more so in the challenging teenage world because of this heightened awareness is the next step.”
Personally, I loved the show and thought it was a great depiction of someone struggling with mental health problems. After working in a counseling center for three years, I have grown to understand the mental health field and have become an advocate for mental health.
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline 1-800-273-8255
