We’ve all had good nights when everything unfolds according to plan and all is right with the world. And we’ve all had good nights when nothing happens like it’s supposed to but the night turns out magically anyway. Sometimes, however, we don’t fully realize how good – or not – a night was until we wake up the next morning. You know which nights I’m talking about; the ones full of booze and white teeth and multiple whims. When the sun shines through the drapes and reality rattles you awake you’re somehow safely in your own bed. But you’re not alone.

Let’s forget about the hangover for the moment and focus on the stranger sharing your sheets. You have no idea who they are because their back is to you, but you can clearly smell the sweat and vodka as you pull the covers up to hide your face. The stranger is snoring impolitely even through the hammer of your heartbeat, which is almost grating enough to distract you from the dehydration on your tongue. What happened last night? You don’t remember a thing after playing hula hoop hopscotch. You think to yourself I would never sleep with a stranger, but then you notice how cute their back is and the doubts are swimming through your head like your heartbeat. OMG I slept with a stranger is your next thought. OMG was it any good? follows suit.

Now before you panic and create a scene, let’s come back to the present. We’re all human and we all sleep with strangers at some point in our life. (Don’t quote me, I’m not a scientist.) It’s important to keep in mind that this does not make us horrible people. Sure, you might feel absolutely disgusted with everything about yourself, but these small moments create room for growth and improvement. Sleeping with strangers makes you a better you. (Please don’t actually go sleep with strangers because I said that.) However horrible the encounter may be, I’ve put together a list of thirteen things that are worse to wake up to after a good night.

Fire

No matter how hot your face gets from blushing upon the revelation of sleeping with a stranger, nothing will beat the heat of fire melthing the skin off your bones.

Five More Minutes

I don’t know about you but I absolutely hate it when I wake up five minutes before my alarm goes off. Or 10 minutes. Or 30. Basically, anywhere earlier than an hour because I end up lying there trying to fall back to sleep but also waiting for my alarm to go off so then I can’t fall back to sleep. Grrrrr.

A Stranger in your Closet

Because if they are hiding in your closet they are probably going to kill you.

Charlie Horse

The shame, guilt and embarrassment all piled on top of each other comes nowhere near the equivalence of the pain felt when waking up to a damn Charlie horse.

Snow Storm in April

April is the first full month of spring. Spring means warm weather and flowers and NOT SNOW. Almost nothing compares to the feeling of dread when you look outside your window first thing and see snow falling from the sky. In spring.

WTF was that?!

Something just crawled across my leg. I know it did. OMG where did it go??? Was it bed bugs?? A spider?? The monster under my bed???

Pet M.I.A.

Isn’t it so great when you fall asleep with your cat or dog or Komodo dragon (I don’t judge) and you’re so warm and peaceful? But then you wake up and your “best friend” has abandoned you for a spot on the floor because you’re simply not good enough for an all-nighter? Tragic.

Giant Lizard

Speaking of Komodo dragons, imagine you wake up to one in your room and it’s not your cuddle buddy best friend. You never know.

Werk

Don’t get me wrong, I love money. But when I mentally prepare myself to sleep until 2:00 p.m on my day off and I wake up at 9:30 a.m to a phone call from work asking me to come in, you best believe my chances of being charged and processed with murder increased to 95 percent.

Bars

You wake up, not in your own bed but there’s still a stranger sleeping next to you. Something is different, though; your head hurts like you’ve been punched by Captain America and you’re surrounded by a group of people that resemble a mix between an angry biker gang and a heavy metal rock band. Good luck, you’re in jail.

All-Nighter

What if you woke up and the party was still in full swing? That might not be a bad thing depending on how your week went. Except your parents will be home in five minutes.

iLost my Phone

Let’s be real, the panic that sets in as you tear your bed sheets apart in searching for your phone because you could have sworn it was right next to you when you fell asleep but now it’s nowhere to be found is a lot worse. Like, a lot.

Your Ex

You seriously thought waking up to a stranger was bad? What happens when that stranger is your ex? Awkward and confusing and weird and disgusting and not surprising. Wait, what?