Everyone knows that moment at a party -- you are weary from haphazardly bouncing up and down and gyrating your pelvis to 476 consecutive songs about getting low, and all you want to do is stumble to the nearest couch, slowly shovel mounds of chips and salsa into your mouth, and sleep through the nearest winter. But all of a sudden, the DJ (in this case, Jim, whose phone we used only because he was the only one with Spotify Premium) changes the mood and your favorite song comes on. You indicate that it is your favorite song by saying something like “Wow! This is my favorite song!” and you are filled with a euphoria that can only be compared to what Napoleon would have felt if he had only had the opportunity to wear Air Jordan.
Although you may think it’s your favorite song, you actually have a lot of them. These are the songs that will get you away from any sort of chip-dip combo, and get you embarrassingly flailing your arms in the middle of the dance floor.
"Mr. Brightside" by the Killers. Whenever this slightly-voyeuristic song, about the uncontainable heartbreak and jealousy felt at the sight of the woman you love having intercourse with another man, comes on, you are filled with so much happiness that you can’t help but jump up and down and describe your love for it.
"All The Small Things" by Blink 182. This song reminds you of the time of light-up sneakers and jean shorts, of Ring-Pops and Pop Rocks, of GameBoys and Playstation 1, of braces and hairless armpits, and of the school bus and no homework on weekends. Nothing quite like nostalgia.
"Yeah!" by Usher. Without a doubt, the dumbest song ever written, you turn up so hard to “Yeah!” that you don’t even notice how idiotic it is, when you look around to see a profusion of teenagers bumping into each other yelling, “Yeah! Yeah! Yeah!” over and over again, as if someone had asked a group of try-hards if they got laid in high school.
"Party In The U.S.A" by Miley Cyrus. Remember when we all thought this was scandalous? Of course you do. That’s why you love it so much. Nothing brings back the good times, like when Miley Cyrus used to be Billy Rae Cyrus’ daughter.
"Blurred Lines" by Robin Thicke. Hmm -- doesn’t this song sort of glorify the chauvinistic ideals that are tarnishing the reputation of college social life and shutting down fraternities across the nation?
"Safe And Sound" by Capital Cities. Nothing makes a party so great as pretending like you have indie cred. This song has horns, for Chrissake! So hipster. You are such a hipster for listening to this song. Good for you, hipster. You have earned the right to keep dancing.
"Don’t Stop Believin’" by Journey. Did anyone ever find out what happened to the small town girl who went unsupervised on the train in the middle of the night going to no specified destination? Doesn’t matter, because all you care about right now is how truly awesome your best friend is. Go put your arm around him as you both chant the lyrics to this song as if the aliens could hear you.
"Gangnam Style" by PSY. Just kidding. You can go to the bathroom, now. This will be over in a few minutes.
"Hey Ya!" by Outkast. You have pretended to know the lyrics to this song since your backpack still had wheels, and nothing makes you so happy as the opportunity to mess them up again in front of a large crowd. Props to you for knowing the polaroid part, though.
"Can’t Hold Us" by Macklemore. See, white people can like rap, too. This counts as rap, right? He seems to be talking very quickly. That’s what rap is, right. Looks up “rap” on Urban Dictionary.
"Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO. When this song was released, we were all in high school, and did not feel like we were sexy; we weren’t very sure about it, either. Nothing is more fun than burying deep-rooted insecurity by wiggling your junk until it goes numb.
"Pompeii" by Bastille. “Hi! My name is Ryan! Sort of tragic how the citizens of Pompeii were all destroyed by that volcano and probably thought it was an unspeakable divine punishment for the sins they had committed, huh? Want to dance?”
"I Gotta Feeling" by The Black Eyed Peas. I retract my earlier statement. This is the dumbest song ever written.
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2. Chips, apple or bread is probably your most repeated phrase
Not only do you say this all day, but you say it in your sleep. Sometimes you even wonder what Ryan Gosling would choose (chips, definitely). You also silently judged the people who chose apples over bread.
3. Taking bakery items with you out to parties was a must
Nothing beats loading up on cookies and leftover pastries on a weekend night closing shift and showing up to a party with your goodies. Your friends lived for it.
4. Taking bakery items home to your parents was also a must (if you wanted to live)
Your dad texted you to make sure you brought him home at least one Cobblestone muffin. Maybe three.
5. Your friends expected you to give them free stuff
No Jill, I can’t give you a candy cookie right now.
6. Being put on dishes made you question humanity
Have you ever tried to scrape wet, soapy mac and cheese out of a bowl? Not the greatest past time, let me tell you.
7. You saw everyone and their mother (especially their mothers)
Moms LOVE Panera. So do high school kids.
8. Working the opening shift was actually the worst thing to ever happen to you
Even if you only did it once, coming in at 5 am took a toll on your life.
9. Being able to predict what people would order
Group of middle schoolers? Mac and cheese in a bread bowl. Teenage boy? Chipotle Chicken Sandwich. Moms? Fuji Apple Chicken Salad. It’s a gift.
10. Making coffee was your least favorite thing to do
Honestly, carrying those things when they were full was a great arm workout.
11.Being put on the dining room was the absolute WORST
I really don’t want to walk around cleaning tables and putting people’s plates away for them. (FYI, customers are supposed to put those away. Just saying).
12. Secretly putting in your Panera card number when other people didn’t have them or want them.
Please tell me I’m not the only one who did this.
13. You would still come in on days you weren’t working to take advantage of your discount
Let’s face it, you can never get sick of Panera. It just doesn’t happen.
1. Use singular they for people whose pronouns you don't know, people who use those pronouns, and stop using him/her.
One of the most common, and often cluttered, phrases I hear when people try to talk about a person whose gender is unknown is he/she, him/her, (s)he. This is not only clunky and annoying to say, but ignores the fact that not everyone uses those pronouns or identifies as a man or a woman. When you say he/she you're really forgetting part of the population and making a lot of assumptions about people you don't know. This also goes for assuming a stranger's gender -- how someone presents isn't an indication of the gender they are or the pronouns they use. By assuming, you're misgendering someone before you even know them, when it is totally easy to use them, where you are assuming nothing. Singular they has been in use for hundreds of years. Using it will declutter language and create an environment in the world that allows for transgender and non-binary people to not be misgendered.
Source: genderqueerid.com
2. Stop using the words "opposite sex" or "both sexes" or "opposite gender" or "both genders".
Not only is this language erasing of transgender people outside the binary, but it is also erasing intersex people. The idea of the opposite of gender or sex, first of all, makes no sense. There is no opposite when it comes to biology, and since there are more than two sexes and more than two genders, there can be no opposite and no both (both implies two). Replace this language with all sexes or all genders and just get rid of the idea of opposite gender or sex from your mind and vocabulary entirely.
3. Ask people's pronouns when you meet them.
In order to help create a safer environment for trans and non-binary people, asking for pronouns and educating others on why you're asking is an important step. This allows the person to give you the pronouns they want you to use and stops you from assuming their gender, misgendering them and making them uncomfortable and hurt. This is something that is good to normalize is every conversation, not just in LGBTQIA+ spaces or in spaces that you suspect trans and non-binary people might be. Trans and non-binary people are everywhere and the more common asking about pronouns becomes, the less people will be misgendered.
4. Use the word cisgender.
The word cisgender means that you identify with the gender you are assigned at birth. Basically, not transgender or non-binary. Using the word cisgender helps stop the idea that being trans or non-binary is 'abnormal' and that cisgender is the norm. It is a term that has existed for a long time. Using the term cisgender also, as the picture above says, helps to maintain that all gender experiences are valid, and all right rather than abnormal.
5. Stop saying "born a boy/girl" about a transgender or non-binary person.
I can't stress how annoying and upsetting this phrasing is and I hear it all the time by people who claim to be allies and people who are completely ignorant. No one is 'born' anything. Your gender and sex assignment are things that are given to you when you are born. This also is essentially outing trans and non-binary people to people who they don't know, misgenders them, and continues to hold up cis-sexist and transphobic ideas that one is born a gender and that their gender is innate and unchanging. It provides people with unnecessary and personal information about someone's genitals (since that is really what someone is saying when saying born a boy/girl). If someone is saying this, they are telling you the make up of someone's genitals, which is completely unnecessary and invasive. You don't need to mention what someone was assigned at birth.
Source: flavorwire.com
6. Stop using the term 'preferred pronouns'.
While the term is better than not asking at all, it still really isn't a good term. The word preferred implies that these pronouns are wanted, but optional when that is not the case. My pronouns and other transgender people and non-binary people's pronouns are not optional; they are absolutely required. If you want to ask for someone's pronouns just ask 'what pronouns do you use?'. The word preferred isn't needed because it isn't preferred, it's required.
Source: nytimes.com
7. Stop using a transgender or non-binary person's dead name.
The term dead name means someone's name before they changed it (if they changed it). You have no right to use or know that name. It isn't a name the person uses anymore and to use it is disrespectful and violent. Saying things like 'Before Doug was Doug he went by ____" is not okay. Not only does it out someone as transgender or non-binary, it gives someone very personal and unnecessary information. Having a dead name used is hurtful and makes me instantly not trust someone. Do not ask for someone's dead name: there is no need for you to know it; it is not their name. Before you say something like the above example, think about why you're saying it. Is that really relevant to the conversation? Why do you feel the need to share this incredibly personal information that you have no right to share? Plain and simple: don't use someone's dead name. It's disrespectful and cruel.
While this list is only a basic introduction to improving language and making spaces safer, there are plenty more ways and articles that can provide more information and education. Learning and unlearning is a process that is incredibly important to making spaces safer for trans and non-binary people.
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