1. When you talk about your parents, you tell people “They're one of _____ kids"
It usually comes as a surprise to most people when I say that my mom is one of eight kids. The reaction is almost exactly the same every time. “Eight?!" asks almost everyone as if they think I am lying. Yes. Eight. Irish folks don't take the saying “be fruitful and multiply" very lightly.
2. There is always, at least, one set of twins.
Yet another thing that usually throws people off when I say that not only is my mom one of eight kids, but she also happens to be an identical twin. To people who aren't close to a set of twins, they seem to have the idea that all twins should be cast on an episode in “American Horror Story: Freak Show" as if they're something so rare that their lives should be documented.
Even more astonishing, is that my grandparents at the time that the twins were born had six kids all under the age of four. In an Irish family of so many kids, you're bound to have a set of twins somewhere in the lineup. The 60s were not the quietest decade, to say the least.
3. You need more than two hands to count how many cousins you have.
As a result of having so many aunts and uncles, most Irish families are able to say that they have more cousins than there are children found in the average classroom. It is considered a serious talent if you can name all of your cousins in birth order, and even more so if you know all their middle names.
4. Everyone's name is a name mentioned in the bible
Joan Francis. Mary Elizabeth. Anne Theresa. Kathleen Patricia. James Patrick. I could continue for days.
5. Christmas is the most chaotic time of the year.
Christmas is usually a hectic time of year for anyone who celebrates it, but everyone from a large Irish family knows that it's far more than just a holiday- it's a production. Not only do you have to decide who's house is going to be the host of 40-plus screaming kids (and adults), but buying gifts is a whole different category of crazy.
Fortunately, my family does a “Secret Santa"-type gift exchange so everyone is only responsible for providing one gift. This sort of activity for most people is a simple game but it's a two-plus-hour ordeal for a family who takes up to 15 minutes just to gather everyone into one room.
6. Speaking of Christmas, St. Patrick's Day is almost just as important.
Let me take a second to clarify the familiar term, “holiday season" to all the non-Irish folks out there. The phrase “holiday season" does not only include Christmas time but it also extends all the way into March, as St. Patrick's Day is right around the corner. This usually involves an incredible spread of corned beef, cabbage, soda bread, carrots, and don't even dare forget about the potatoes (not to mention the bottle of Bailey's that gets passed around for everyone to take a swig) St. Patrick's Day is a no-BS holiday for Irish families anywhere.
7. You share inside jokes with cousins you only see once a year.
Having so many cousins often times means that you don't get to see a lot of them very often. However, when you do get the chance to see them, the opportunity for something to go haywire is never far out of reach. When you reunite, the conversation usually starts with recalling whatever you did to cause trouble the last time you were together… and it doesn't take long for you to start causing enough trouble to talk about next time you're reunited.
8. Telling your grandparents you forgot to go to church is the biggest sin there is.
This is a conversation NO grandchild wants to have with their Irish-Catholic grandparent. You know that going to church every day is a hobby for them, and is what gets them out of bed every morning. If you miss church on any given Sunday, and it somehow surfaces into a conversation? RUN. You missed Confession last week? Forget about it.
9. There are NO secrets.
You've been talking to a boy? Don't worry, Aunt Carolyn knew days ago. You failed your biology exam? No news there! Uncle John knows and is already thinking of how to confront you about it. Nothing. Is. A secret. Your aunts and uncles know everything. In fact, the woman that lives down the street? Yeah, she knows too. Irish people are always talking.
10. The wildest stories are generally because someone's wedding got out of hand.
It wouldn't be considered a successful family gathering without someone bringing up one of the countless stories from someone's infamous weddings. Whether that's a story of being kicked out of a hotel, punch a hole through a wall, or streaking down Las Vegas Boulevard, its what makes my family... Unique, to put it lightly. Irish people are far from dull, that's for sure.
11. “Dinner is at 3" Really means everybody shows up at 5.
It's called “Irish time." No explanation needed.
12. Your grandma has one line that she says so many times it's become the family motto.
I've heard people tell me that their grandma is always spitting lines at them, whether it's to be inspirational or to poke fun. “This too shall pass" is one that I've heard the most often, but other times these lines can get more creative. For example, my grandmother got into the habit of saying at every family dinner that her and my grandfather “did a damn good job" as she looks around, a sparkle in her eye, impressed at the family that her and her husband co-created.
It's evolved into our family's slogan, and makes an appearance in Facebook statuses, picture captions, and is even engraved on a wine glass or two.
13. You wouldn't change having a huge family for anything.
As crazy as I've talked my family up to being, I wouldn't change a thing about it. Having people around me at every turn of the head has shaped me into who I am today. It's why I am outgoing, why I love being around kids, and (although I hate to admit it) am as obsessed with babies as my aunts are. Some of my cousins have turned into my best friends, so much so that occasionally I forget that we're related. To all Irish families out there who share similarities to myself, raise a glass, because you are doing a “damn good job."
