13 scariest moments as your older sibling

Being the oldest isn’t all fun and games. We do a lot of fighting over which one of us is luckier because we’re the oldest, middle, or youngest. We’ve lived together for your whole life, but I don’t know if I’ve ever told you how often I worry about you.

1. The first time I was in charge of you

Why would our parents think this was a good idea? You realize if something happens to either of you, then I’ll never have a shot at “favorite child”.

2. When you hurt yourself

Especially when it was from doing something I had come up with. Even if it wasn’t my idea, I should’ve known it was dangerous. And there’s only so much I can do to stop you from hurting.

3. When your feelings were hurt

The last thing I’d ever want to do is hurt your feelings. So it sucks when I know that I have. But it’s 10X worse when someone else hurts your feelings. All I want to do is to stop you from feeling down.

4. When you get in trouble

Okay, you usually deserve it. However, I still find myself wanting to shield you from the consequences of your actions. It’s harder than you’d imagine to throw you under the bus. The only reason I ever did was because I knew you needed to learn. I was always eager to take the blame because I didn’t want you to have to deal with it.

5. Your first major mistake

There are mistakes and then there are MISTAKES. We all make them, including myself. Before you made yours, I tried so hard to make sure it wouldn’t happen to you. I know what it feels like to think you’ve failed, and I don’t want you to know that feeling. So when it did happen, it was heartbreaking to know what you were feeling, and to know that I couldn’t help you.

6. Your first relationship

Honestly, I wasn’t even that excited-- just nervous. I know how great it can be to have somebody love you and want to be with you. I also know how hard it can be when your heart gets broken or when you have to break someone else’s. That’s not what I want for you.

7. The phase where you were too cool for me

Everyone knows about the stage where you blow off your parents, so they’re prepared for it. Nobody talks about the sibling version. It was a short lived phase, but it was way too long for me.

8. When you’re disappointed in me

I’m going through life just like you, and I do make mistakes. I never want to let you down because I care about what you think more than anyone else.

9. When I can’t help you

I’ve always been glad to help you. It’s a great feeling when you come to me and ask me for advice. It’s hard to know that sometimes, I can’t be the one to make your decision. What I would do and what you would do are two totally different things.

10. When you’re too far away

I miss you when you’re gone. I hate not knowing what’s going on with you. It’s a bittersweet feeling to know that you’re surviving without me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad. I just wish you could be independent closer to me.

11. When you’re heartbroken

Heartbreak comes to you in unexpected ways. From a break up, or a fight with a friend, or even the death of a pet. There’s nothing I can do to fix it, and I just have to watch as you slowly feel better over time.

12. When you started driving

Cars are dangerous. You honestly shouldn’t be allowed to have one.

13. When you go to college

College is one of the biggest changes you’ll go through and it takes some getting used to. I just hope you make the right decisions and you remember you can always call me whenever you need me.