"Hey. It's Hannah, Hannah Baker... It's me, live in stereo... I am about to tell you the story of my life. More specifically, why my life ended. And if you're listening to this tape, you're one of the reasons why."
"Thirteen Reasons Why" is a book and, most recently, a television series about Hannah Baker, a high school student who commits suicide after persistent bullying and horrific rape. Never before has a TV show impacted my life in such a serious and permanent way as how I expect this one will. The writers, directors and producers treat the audience not as kids but as people. Many adults dismiss teenagers problems as minuscule and they do not realize that not only do we understand tragedy and struggles, we live them.
There is nothing polite about this show. It does not dismiss bullying and rape or glorify suicide, as so many works that come out of Hollywood do. As a society, we tend to divert conversations from these hard topics. This struggle is even depicted in the show when Hannah reaches out to a school counselor and he cannot even say the word, "rape." We need to talk about bullying, rape and suicide, even though it is uncomfortable. To ignore bullying, rape and suicide is dangerous. We need to educate people, and that starts with discussions.
A huge problem that teenagers face is having so much going on inside and so little ability to communicate. We can all relate to this issue. When Clay sobs in the shower because he cannot tell anyone what is going on is raw and real. His mom asks him a million times if he is OK, but he cannot muster the words to tell her he was in love with Hannah, the girl who killed herself. Alex throws around the idea that he will kill himself but he never actually tells anyone that he is hurting. The audience sees all of the signs that point to him shooting himself in the head, but he never once talks to his dad about his pain or why he feels this way. The guilt that he feels from Hannah is too much to bear, but he never unloads this to anyone else. Maybe he doesn’t want to be a burden or maybe he isn't courageous enough, but it is obvious to viewers that he needs to talk to someone.
As teenagers, it is so hard to talk to our parents and the reasons why are hard to understand. This show makes it pretty obvious to the audience that sometimes it is better to share information with our parents because they have a lot more life experience than we do. All of the times that Mrs. Jenson asked Clay what was going on, I felt like screaming at him to tell her because she could help. From what we saw of Mrs. Jenson, she probably would have gotten the justice that Jessica, Hannah and the Bakers deserved. Multiple times she talked about no longer representing the school. Also, it was made apparent she had inner conflict on the death of Hannah Baker and was concerned about bullying at Liberty High. Maybe she would have just listened, which would have lifted a huge weight off of Clay that he desperately needed. It would have been healthier to just tell her that all these things are going wrong and life is moving too fast and he couldn’t handle it. But it is rare to find someone at the age with that level of awareness. It is terrifying to talk to parents sometimes because we don’t know what are they going to say and if they are going to understand. Parents need to be honest and not ignore the things they went through in order to make their kids more comfortable. Adults tend to trivialize issues that for teenagers and young adults are not trivial. Teenage brains don’t work the way adult brains work. Trauma and pain feel like they are going to last forever. Schools should be teaching more emotional education. It is so common to not recognize emotions and to be able to verbalize them. Schools shape who kids are and educators need to step up and recognize their faults and lack of education in vital areas.
Schools are not taking responsibility for teaching people what consent looks like. It is easy to dismiss the topic of sex and say that it is the parents' job to teach their children, but in reality, many parents turn a blind eye to this. Schools are responsible for a child's education and this should include their sex education. We need to teach kids that consent is a clear "yes" and to stop and ask before proceeding. This is the only way to change our society. We are failing young adults because we are not educating them on what real consent looks like. "Thirteen Reasons Why" shows this when Clay stops and asks Hannah if she is OK. They also show the opposite when Hannah never clearly says "no" to Bryce, but she never clearly said, "yes" either. Bryce raped Hannah and then told Clay that it wasn't rape because she never said "no." Which, to Bryce, silence translated into her "practically begging for it." He is wrong. Plain and simple, and this show makes it clear that people not knowing what consent looks like is a major problem in our society. When Jessica was raped, she was too intoxicated to consent. People need to understand that alcohol is not an excuse for rape.
The show does not shy away from the ugliness of rape.The writers, producers and actors didn’t look away from the sexual assaults in the show because to do so is to minimize what those characters go through. The show helps us understand a rape survivor's mind and what they go through. It changes our perspective on how people react to rape. Very rarely does Hollywood show the pain of rape and how permanently and deeply damaging it is. The scene of Jessica being assaulted is shown over and over throughout the series, and we cannot escape it, much like how it will haunt Jessica for the rest of her life. The series doesn’t allow us to ignore the rape even though it makes us uncomfortable or even sick to our stomachs, because ignoring it is dangerous.
As seen with Jessica, and especially Hannah, it is so hard for rape victims to come forward because oftentimes the victim shaming is worse than the assault. We need to start these conversations differently. Instead of, "What did the victim do? What was the victim wearing?" It should be, "What did the rapist do? Why did the rapist do that?" We need to educate each other on what to do when victims have the courage to come forward. Rape should be a topic that we talk about and these conversations should not fill victims with shame. Victims need to know that it is not their fault and they need to talk about it because the more you talk about being assaulted, the more it loses power over you. This show helps people feel empowered to ask for help because we see Jessica reach out to her dad, someone who unconditionally loves her. Rape is something we have to talk about, and "Thirteen Reasons Why" does not allow us to ignore it.
Nor does the show allow us to ignore suicide. Hannah's death was painful to watch. Hollywood has a tendency to depict suicide as glorious and beautiful. Look at the film "Suicide Squad," a group of American villains turned hero. People worshiped that film. "Thirteen Reasons Why" depicted suicide in the truly horrific way it deserves. It is not a pretty death, and it is important for viewers to see how much a suicide impacts those around them and those they love. The grief swallows those close to a victim. For every one suicide, there are six people who are intimately impacted by grief and are even more likely themselves to commit suicide. We see this with Alex, who was a close friend of Hannah. Suicide is now the second leader of death in teenagers. Every sign should be taken seriously, and we see people ignoring these signs in the show. It hits you in the gut when you see Hannah and Alex crying out for help but no one pays attention to them. You want to scream at those who miss these signs that could have saved their lives. But honestly, before I watched this show, I would have missed those signs, too.The depiction is honest, authentic and extremely painful. As I viewer, I felt helpless to stop them but I now know what to look for and more importantly, I feel empowered to make change in our society.
Our actions can have very serious consequences. More than once the idea that if one of the 13 people that drove Hannah to her death acted differently and were kinder, she might still be alive. Clay learns from his experience and in the last scene asks Sky if she wants to hang out. He acknowledges her, and these small steps make a big difference. The smallest thing that you do can change a person's entire day.
We need to start talking. We can no longer ignore bullying, rape and suicide. The price that we pay for doing so is too high. It starts with reaching out to people and showing that they matter to you. We have to look out for each other. It has to get better.
We need to start talking when life gets too difficult to bear because the minute we start talking about it, life gets easier. There is an entire future waiting for you, and if you go, you don’t get to see it.
There is nothing wrong with saying that you need help. If you need help, call a lifeline.
1-800-273-8255
