We all have that "mom friend" in our life. She's the wonderful reminder to make good choices and personal nurse (whether it's a hangover or the flu). However-- I am not that mom friend. I'm so far from the mom friend sometimes I wonder if I should be concerned. Like, will I ever even be responsible enough to be a good mom to... a dog? Or should I stick with fish my whole life?
1. No, I don't have tissues or hand sanitizer.
To be honest I don't even know why anyone would think I have these? Like where would I keep them? My bag is full of more important items, like a backup phone charger, 5 shades of lipstick and a Starbucks reward card.
2. I'm not a good hostess.
I'll forget to offer people a drink, I'll be ordering pizza instead of cooking a meal and it's probably BYOB.
3. I won't be the sober babysitter... ever.
Instead, I'll be right next to my friends taking shots, dancing on the bar and experiencing the world's worst hangover in the morning. I can't remember to drink a bottle of water and take two Advil before bed myself, so I definitely won't be reminding anyone else.
4. If it wasn't for Facebook I wouldn't remember birthdays.
Seriously I couldn't even remember my ex-boyfriend's birthday after years. I'll probably remember the month, but that's about as good as it gets.
5. I'm all about encouraging questionable behavior.
My friend want to drunk text her ex? Why not! Skinny dipping with someone she just met? Tell me how it goes! Singing karaoke even though she can barely stand up? I'll record it!
6. I can count on one hand how many times I've gone out as DD.
Don't get me wrong, I'll pick someone up if I'm home. But if I'm not drinking I'm probably not going out. I mean this is why Uber was invented right?
7. My "just don't die" texts are frequent.
Forget texting my friends "be careful" or "don't do anything I wouldn't do." Just make it through the night and tell me all about it tomorrow.
8. I don't know how to do "mom things."
We are lucky I know how to do laundry. If my friend needs someone to tell them what medicine to take, how to cook pasta perfectly, or the best cleaning supplies I'm the last person to ask.
9. I'll never tell you that you're dressed inappropriately.
I don't care how cold it is, how high those heels are or if my friends are wearing a lot of makeup-- you do you girlfriend.
10. I encourage procrastination when it's in the name of fun.
I mean that assignment can always get done tomorrow morning 16 minutes before class. In college, we can always retake a class, but you can't relive a Halloween bar crawl. Am I right?
12. I have a balanced diet of Chick-fil-A and wine.
What do you mean these aren't actually food groups? Plus I can avoid having to do dishes this way. Win, win.
13. Forget going to sleep at a reasonable hour, that's what naps are for.
Naps are like meals, you need multiple to make it throughout the day. They are also a great use of time when you should be doing assignments or laundry.
