Java

You enjoy pain and async calls, but you're obligated to know this language because you're a web dev and since this is written for THE Ohio State University community, this is also the one you start with in the CSE program. You also don't like moving outside your comfort zone if that's the case.

C++

You do animation and things with a lot of graphics and then some. But what it doesn't say is it that you grew up watching anime and playing video games to the point that people bullied you and you secluded yourself in your room since you had no real life friends. Oh wait, just me? Nevermind then…

Assembly

You hate yourself. Why else would you suffer through keeping track of your registers and where it is in memory? A simple loop in this is so much harder than needed.

JavaScript

You encapsulate the whole "fake it until you make" motto because no one truly knows this language in whole. I swear nothing in the language makes sense and to beginners, they might think it's similar to Java just because of the name, but they are so, so wrong. This language is like how Mimikyu pretends to be like Pikachu to be more well liked. And the fact that this

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Can mean alert(1) is absolute BS.

HTML/CSS

You majored in graphic design and something like Art and Tech and you want to be a UX Designer. This was one of the easiest and most secure ways to get a job in a field you enjoy, I actually applaud you for working the industry to your benefit.

Python

Either you didn't think you would program in your field(so you start off with something easy which is fair), you're really into Artificial Intelligence and don't want to die in the eventual robot versus human war, or you're just really into theatre and Monty Python which only means you need to get a new hobby.

C

You hate yourself, but not as much as assembly. You also date bad people because you don't mind being a trash collector and picking up after people. Maybe you should work in the food or retail industry since you would enjoy that.

Swift

You would give anything to be first in line for the next new biggest apple product. That includes your first born child. You love everything apple, and thus why you code in swift. I have no idea of the language capabilities, I just think you're obsessed and should seek therapy.

Ruby(on Rails)

It's almost like reading English. And rails is there to help pair it with the HTML/CSS that you're used to. You're probably trying to become an influencer or the next big thing. Ruby is just the next biggest craze and you can only hope to be getting half as much buzz about yourself as this language gets.

MATLAB

You're an engineer, but you're not a Computer Science AND Engineering major. This will get you the data and graphs that you need based on the real life data extraction you've done. It's bare bones and that's all you need. You don't want nor need to deal with more. If there is more, that's why you have a team of software devs to do it for you since they know how to properly count arrays. Hint: arrays begin indexing at 0, NOT 1.

SQL

Disclaimer: I have only taken one(1) single DBMS class. You like things to be in order. You are the planner of your group of friends. You are the one that takes care of your friends when they get messy at $1.50 double well nights.

Lisp

You have a lisp and made it your personality. You also have the determination of a thousand suns. And maybe an undiagnosed case of OCD so you should get that checked out. Either way, you are way too functional for my dumb self.

R

This is for my business student friends who think they can code after taking their two required coding classes in Microsoft Excel and R. Spoiler alert: you don't know how to code but you can do math really well so you got one thing going for you.