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Politics and Activism

13 Things You Probably Shouldn't Eat

Brought to you by the drunchies and poor decision making.

Noah Wagner

Apr 04, 2016

Berry College

twitter.com

Hey, look I get it. We're all in college. It's time to experiment and find yourself. It's time to get weird at 2 a.m. at a Taco Bell drive-thru with some strangers. Eat this. Drink that. You're young, and your metabolism isn't failing you until post-grad, so why not? Despite all that, here are some things you maybe probably definitely shouldn't put in your body.

1. Cheesy donut bacon burgers

You actually have to be a native born U.S. citizen to buy one of these things. Topic of the next GOP debate? #equaldonutrights

2. Zombie beer

There's actually chunks of cooked goat brains in there. Yeah, look it up.

3. Taco Bell's Quesalupa

What I actually found impressive is Taco Bell found a way to actually fill the shell with pure disappointment.

4. Sugar-free gummy bears

Just scroll down to the reviews.

http://www.amazon.com/Albanese-Assorted-Gummi-Bear...

5. Any hot sauce that threatens to burn your rectum

Why is spicy the only flavor my butt can detect? Why can't I eat pancakes and then 14 hours later be like ooh pancakes?

6. Rouge's VooDoo Bacon Maple Donut beer

Breakfast food + beer = low expectations

7. Fried butter

"I Can't Believe It's Not Fried Butter" doesn't really roll off the tongue.

8. Mountain Dew's Dewshine

With 46 grams of sugar per bottle, this citrus-flavored soft drink also doubles as paint thinner.

9. Baconnaise

It's in the name.

10. Steak 'n Shake's 7x7 burger

I've lost a few good friends to that burger.

11. Big Pie In The Sky's Carnivore Challenge

With locations in Roswell and Kennesaw, Big Pie In The Sky Pizzeria offers the Carnivore Challenge where you and a friend can pay $50 to eat an 11-pound pizza in an hour, and if you defeat it, you win $250 and none of your dignity back.

12. Anything "birthday cake" flavored

If you want birthday cake so bad, go buy a damn birthday cake. Is it even your birthday? Can I see your ID?

13. And finally, kale chips

You look so hipster with that green stuff stuck in your teeth.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to go get a cookout tray and an unhealthy amount of Cheerwine and chicken quesadillas.

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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Recommended for you

13 Things You Probably Shouldn't Eat

Brought to you by the drunchies and poor decision making.

1. Cheesy donut bacon burgers

2. Zombie beer

3. Taco Bell's Quesalupa

4. Sugar-free gummy bears

5. Any hot sauce that threatens to burn your rectum

6. Rouge's VooDoo Bacon Maple Donut beer

7. Fried butter

8. Mountain Dew's Dewshine

9. Baconnaise

10. Steak 'n Shake's 7x7 burger

11. Big Pie In The Sky's Carnivore Challenge

12. Anything "birthday cake" flavored

13. And finally, kale chips

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High School Friends

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It can be harder to maintain the friendships you make with people from class.

Finding a parking spot.

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Traffic.

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Run Around Clanging Pots and Pans in Everyone's Face

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"First Noel" by Leslie Odom, Jr

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"Christmas (Baby Please Come Home" by Michael Buble

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