OK, OK. We can say it. Relationships are hard. The beginnings are difficult, the middle part is nice, and the end can be a little rough. Even through the good moments, there are always other things to consider. I have spent the vast majority of this summer trying very hard to figure out if I want to be in a relationship or not. He's a great guy, and we definitely work together, but starting new relationships is a huge deal. I'm not old, but as I get older, relationships become more important and way less "for fun" than other relationships I've been in. There are so many issues and dilemmas that come with starting a new relationship.
1. There will always, always be someone against it.
Whether it's someone in your family or theirs, your best friend or theirs or someone both of you know, there will always be someone who doesn't think it will work. The problem isn't that they disagree with you once, it's that it will continue, and it will keep going on. They'll tell you they don't like the person or they don't think it will work, and since you love them, it'll get to you. That's a huge issue. While it is definitely up to you and the person you've taken interest in, sometimes you crave the outside opinion. A piece of advice: you don't have to listen.
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2. The terms aren't always as clear as they should be.
"What do you want out of a relationship?" This question is scary and often a major downfall. It seems simple; someone loyal, honest, who will treat me like an equal, understands me, and won't cheat. Easy right? Nope. Say they want something different, like they want to be the "man of the relationship" and you can't handle that kind of relationship; that is a red flag. You have to work all of these things, and you really should do it together. If the arguments get too strong, take a step back, go buy some ice cream, watch a movie together, or play a card game until you're calm. It works out so much better.
3. Sometimes you don't know what you want...
This is where it gets difficult... What if you aren't sure you're ready for a new relationship? Give it a try. I've spent three months of my life going out on dates with a boy who wants to be with me more than I ever knew. Three months may seem like a long time, but it has flown by so fast. We did things together and it made it work out so much better because we figured each other out. We've worked through a lot this summer, and it can help you choose whether you want this relationship or not.
4. ...sometimes they don't know what they want.
Things get complicated when you don't know, but if they don't know, it can be rough. If they don't talk to you about their feelings, and don't know how they feel, it's difficult. Try to get them to open up by making them feel loved, but don't smother them, it often pushes people away.
5. When you need advice, you can't always turn toward your friend.
As previously stated, people will always be against things that you want. If your friends or your best friend is against your relationship, there's no way you can turn to them when you need advice. They'll either sabotage you or give you their opinion and continue to tell you it won't work. That's neither helpful, nor healthy.
6. When you need to vent about something, you can't talk to anyone.
Say something bad happens. Something really bad that hurts your feelings and makes you want to vent to someone... What can you do if everyone is against you? There's worry that if you tell your family, they'll get mad. You can't tell your friends because they'll just say the dreaded "I told you so," so what do you do? Ask God, make a new friend, talk to your dog, talk to people outside your home life (like your Odyssey friends!). Venting can be super helpful when you aren't doing it to a hazardous crowd of people. The dog won't tell your secrets, and it may even keep you calm.
7. You don't know how to explain your feelings...
Even if you don't like to talk about your feelings, now is a great time to learn. You can't avoid the person when they have the boyfriend/girlfriend title. If you can't explain it with words, try to do it with music, or get them something small that shows your appreciation for them. Thank them for being so patient with you. Do the same if the roles are switched; make sure they know you're there for them.
8. ...but other people are trying to woo them...
I hate this so much, but it's true. People don't respect relationships anymore, or even the concept that people are dating. If people are trying to get to the person you're wanting to start a relationship with, make sure that terms are clear about intimacy. Let them know that if they decide they don't want to be with you, it's okay. Nothing stays set in stone forever.
9. ...or other people are trying to woo you.
If you have ground rules about intimacy and everything, you should know where you stand when thirsty people message you or flirt with you. Someone flirted with me the other day, and I stayed casually uncaring. I was happy, and I don't need other people's attention to feel that way. An old friend messaged me a few weeks ago asking if I wanted to "chill", and I shut it down without being mean, while also casually mentioning Taylor (the person I may date) every few questions. It wasn't awkward, he fit into the conversation just fine.
10. There are moments of clarity when you're like "Yeah, I could totally do this."
If you aren't quite sure how you feel, these moments are the perfect way to figure it out. If you start having these thoughts all the time, you should probably head that direction confidently.
11. There are also moments when you think you couldn't.
Again, if these moments are happening more often than the good ones, you should probably take this as a sign. Happy moments are important in any relationship.
12. You have to discuss the non-fun stuff.
No one wants to discuss exes or the girls/guys that text at 3 a.m. looking for booty. It's not fun, but in order to trust each other, you need to have these talks. I'm the kind of girl that will answer (with his permission) the awkward texts Taylor gets in the middle of the night with a bomb selfie and a "sorry, he doesn't need that" or a "shh, we're trying to sleep." I could be mean, I could lose my cool, but instead I choose to be nice. They'll find what they're looking for eventually.
13. The timing is never quite right.
There's never a right time for anything, and that's where the fun comes in. You have to figure out what you want and if now works for that. Don't worry if it isn't scheduled into your life plan, it'll work itself out.
