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13 All-Time Favorite Jokes

Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day!

Katie Colwell

Sep 27, 2023

Oakland University

39906

Photo by Ivana Cajina on Unsplash

I consider myself a master of jokes. In my time, I have accumulated many knock knock jokes, puns, and classic dad jokes. So here for you are my absolute favorite that will be sure to get people to either laugh or groan.

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

full-moon betta fish Photo by Kyaw Tun on Unsplash

This one is my go-to. It never fails to get a laugh. Pro tip: Extend the sh a bit, it really makes the joke.

2. How do billboards talk?

Selective focus photography of jolly woman using peace hand gesture Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash

Sign language

Lol, get it? Because billboards are signs.

3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel

assorted doughnuts & baggels a Photo by Alice Pasqual on Unsplash

4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.

brown hen on brown wooden fence Photo by Tom Ungerer on Unsplash

This one is so bad it's good.

5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

black and yellow lego minifig Photo by Márton Szalai on Unsplash

Walking. J.K. Rowling

This is a personal favorite and not just because I love Harry Potter. I usually cannot get to the punch line with out falling over laughing. Trust me, I have witnesses. Pro tip: You should add a pause between "walking" and "J.K. Rowling." It adds some necessary suspense.

6. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

white and blue paper on pink surface Photo by Olga Thelavart on Unsplash

This is perfect if you are a common jokester. People will be expecting something bad and get something worse.

7. Points to graveyard people are just dying to get in there.

gray concrete cross on green grass field during daytime Photo by Waldemar on Unsplash

8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"

brown and white giraffe Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash

I assume the giraffe was pretty offended.

9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.

person holding brown and white round ornament Photo by Amr Taha™ on Unsplash

10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?

European

man in blue crew neck shirt under blue sky during daytime Photo by Henri Lajarrige Lombard on Unsplash

11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.

a pair of masks on a green surface Photo by Elena Rabkina on Unsplash

You really got to unlock your inner child for this one.

12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

6 Reasons Why Betta Fish Make The Best Pets https://pixabay.com/en/animal-nature-fish-water-wi...

It's all in the delivery.

13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

brown coated monkey on branch Photo by Jamie Haughton on Unsplash

BA-NA-NA-NA

This here is a classic. Pro tip: You really got to get into the BANANANA. Pretend to play the piano, really nail the NANANA. Bonus points if you do it on a table or have an actual banana.

So here you are, folks. My all time favorite and best jokes. Use them wisely.

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13 All-Time Favorite Jokes

Guaranteed to Brighten Your Day!

1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?

Fsh.

2. How do billboards talk?

Sign language

3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?

A plain bagel

4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?

Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.

5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?

Walking. J.K. Rowling

6. Want to hear a joke about paper?

Never mind, it's tearable.

7. *Points to graveyard* people are just dying to get in there.

8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"

9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.

10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?

European

11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.

12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.

13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?

BA-NA-NA-NA

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I'm technically an adult, so I'm legally required to live a little, right?

1. Watch an R-rated Scary Movie in a Movie Theater

2. Buy a Lottery Ticket

3. Vote in an Election

4. Participate in a Run (or a Walk, Realistically) for Charity

5. Go on a Road Trip

6. Start a Savings Account

7. Get a Credit Card

8. Sign up for Spotify Premium

9. Go to a Club

10. Start a Meditation Routine

11. Go to a Yoga Class

12. Treat Myself to a Dinner for One

13. Volunteer for a Charity

14. Participate in a Research Study

15. Bake Something (That Ends Up Being Edible)

16. Go Skydiving

17. Be Called for Jury Duty

18. Figure Out What I Want to Do With my Life

The holiday classics that shaped my life

1."But what would happen if we all tried to be like Santa and learned to give as only he can give: of ourselves, our talents, our love and our hearts? Maybe we could all learn Santa's beautiful lesson and maybe there would finally be peace on Earth and good will toward men."

"Sometimes the most real things in the world are the things we can't see."

"If you won't use your heart, who cares if it gets broken? If you just keep it to yourself, maybe it'll be like my rollerblades. When you do decide to try it, it won't be any good. You should take a chance. Got nothing to lose."

"Remember, no man is a failure who has friends."

"Life is made up of meetings and partings. That is the way of it."

"If you look for it, I've got a sneaky feeling you'll find a that love actually is all around."

"Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on."

"'Maybe Christmas,' he thought, 'doesn't come from a store. Maybe Christmas, perhaps, means a little bit more.'"

"Faith is believing when common sense tells you not to."

"There's room for everyone on the nice list."

Hopefully they will make you laugh.

1. Why are towels considered dirty when you get out of the shower clean?

2. Who closes the bus door once the bus driver gets off?

3. Why is there a "d" in "fridge" but not in "refrigerator"?

4. If you drop soap on the floor is the floor clean or the soap dirty?

5. Is the "S" or the "C" silent in the word "scent"?

6. Does expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?

7. Would Lightning McQueen buy car insurance or life insurance?

8. Who put the alphabet in alphabetical order?

9. What color are mirrors?

10. If 2 mind readers read each other's minds whose mind are they really reading?

11. Is there a synonym for "synonym"?

12. If your shirt isn't tucked into your pants, are your pants tucked into your shirt?

13. Why is it called "quick sand" if you sink slowly in it?

14. If I try to fail, but succeed, which one did I do?

15. If Cinderella's shoe fit perfectly, why did it fall off?

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7. Points to graveyard people are just dying to get in there.

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