I consider myself a master of jokes. In my time, I have accumulated many knock knock jokes, puns, and classic dad jokes. So here for you are my absolute favorite that will be sure to get people to either laugh or groan.
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1. What do you call a fish with no eyes?
Fsh.
Photo by This one is my go-to. It never fails to get a laugh. Pro tip: Extend the sh a bit, it really makes the joke.
2. How do billboards talk?
Photo by Brooke Cagle on Unsplash
Sign language
Lol, get it? Because billboards are signs.
3. What do you call a bagel that can fly?
A plain bagel
a
Photo by Alice Pasqual on Unsplash
4. Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had 4 then they would be called chicken sedans.
Photo by Tom Ungerer on Unsplash
This one is so bad it's good.
5. How did Harry Potter get down the hill?
black and yellow lego minifig
Photo by Márton Szalai on Unsplash
Walking. J.K. Rowling
This is a personal favorite and not just because I love Harry Potter. I usually cannot get to the punch line with out falling over laughing. Trust me, I have witnesses. Pro tip: You should add a pause between "walking" and "J.K. Rowling." It adds some necessary suspense.
6. Want to hear a joke about paper?
Never mind, it's tearable.
Photo by Olga Thelavart on Unsplash
This is perfect if you are a common jokester. People will be expecting something bad and get something worse.
7. *Points to graveyard* people are just dying to get in there.
Photo by 8. A giraffe and a man walk into a bar. The giraffe falls down and the man asks, "why you lying?" The giraffe says, "I'm not a lion, I'm a giraffe!"
Photo by Todd Trapani on Unsplash
I assume the giraffe was pretty offended.
9. What time is it? "It's 2:30." Well, you should go to the dentist if you're tooth-hurty.
Photo by Amr Taha™ on Unsplash
10. You're American when you go into the bathroom, and you are American when you come out. But what are you when you're in there?
European
Photo by Henri Lajarrige Lombard on Unsplash
11. Knock knock. "Who's there?" You're up. "You're up who?" No, you're a poo.
Photo by Elena Rabkina on Unsplash
You really got to unlock your inner child for this one.
12. You can tune a piano but you can't tuna fish.
https://pixabay.com/en/animal-nature-fish-water-wi...
It's all in the delivery.
13. What's Beethoven's favorite fruit?
Photo by Jamie Haughton on Unsplash
BA-NA-NA-NA
This here is a classic. Pro tip: You really got to get into the BANANANA. Pretend to play the piano, really nail the NANANA. Bonus points if you do it on a table or have an actual banana.
So here you are, folks. My all time favorite and best jokes. Use them wisely.
