It started Monday morning when I saw about 25 crows on my drive into work. I know that that's a weird thing to notice, but you have to understand that it was an abnormal amount of crows to the point where I was aware of them. I've read enough European folklore and depressing poetry to know that crows are a metaphor for death and misfortune, so by the time I saw the 25th crow that morning I knew that it was an omen. I knew it was going to be a super shitty week.
And I, and the crows, were right. This week sucked.
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So when you find yourself in the midst of a week slowly spiraling out of control, what do you do? How do you get back on track and relieve your high levels of anger, sadness, stress, and anxiety? How do you restore your balance and peace of mind?
I have no clue, I haven't been emotionally or mentally balanced in years. But here's some tips I've compiled to help get you through the weeks that are extra shitty:
1. Play some violent video games
Pop in "Grand Theft Auto V," punch in a bunch of cheats, and go batshit crazy on the city of San Andreas. It's borderline psychopathic, but it feels great to watch things explode!
2. Go on a long drive
3. Belt out some classic power ballads
There's something powerful in belting out Guns N' Roses' "November Rain" or Aerosmith's "I Don't Want to Miss A Thing." These are the kinds of songs that are bursting with emotion, and it feels good to just sing them loud and proud.
4. Color those stupid "adult coloring books"
I hate how every adult coloring book has the same bohemian designs and floral hipster patterns, but I'll be damned it if they aren't extremely relaxing to color. Knock a page or two out and you'll be surprised with how much better you'll feel.
5. Eat raw cookie dough
It's bad for you, it could potentially get you sick, but it tastes so much better than baked cookies and it's really hard to still be upset with something that delicious in your mouth.
6. Recreate someone you hate in "The Sims" and then set them on fire
Occasionally someone pisses us off enough that we question if we could actually murder them. "The Sims" gives you that opportunity without the consequences of prison.
7. Watch "Titanic" and cry for three and a half hours straight
Crying is a great way to release all that frustration and sadness, but when you're emotionally locked up (like myself) you sometimes need something to push you over the edge. That's why James Cameron gave us "Titanic."
8. Buy something you don't really need, but still kind of want
Sure, you might not actually need four new wood wick candles, but sometimes treating yourself to buying something frivolous is a great way to lighten your mood. Also, those candles are excellent and I don't regret my purchase at all.
9. Put on a full face of glame makeup
This tip is not gender specific, by the way. Glitzy glam makeup makes every man, woman, and child feel like a fierce power bitch, and sometimes it's good to remind yourself that you are actually a God/Goddess. Paint them eyelids gold, smother your lips in bright red lipstick, and show the world that even in the worst of circumstances you're still looking hot AF.
10. Vent to your mom
I mean, you can vent to anyone, I just always choose my mom because she has no choice but to continue to love me even after I angrily let out all of my grievances. Everyone else could potentially walk away, but not her! She's locked into this relationship.
11. Hug a dog
It is a scientific fact that dogs are better than people. Cuddling with any dog will make even the worst of weeks feel better and more manageable. If you don't own your own dog to hug, go adopt one from your local shelter ASAP. You'll feel better in no time, trust me.
