- Don’t laugh at a joke you don’t think is funny. We’ve all done this before. It takes a lot of courage to be the odd one out and not give in to the ‘we’re all in this cosmic facetious bro-zone together’ -effect. You don’t have to say you don’t like the joke, but you aren’t obligated to laugh either.
- Tell someone how their behavior makes you feel. This doesn’t mean blaming someone else for your own emotions. It simply means asking to be heard, and standing up for how you feel.
- When you recognize a pattern in your life, don’t judge it… simply observe. My best friend once gave me some of the best advice I’ve ever received. I was ashamed of a strong emotional reaction I had to a situation, and after listening to my ‘why am I so sensitive’ -rant, my friend calmly said, “Mariella, your emotional reaction is not a problem. It is just another piece of information.” If we observe rather than judge, we become more empowered and efficient in changing whatever we aren’t happy with. In this situation, all I had to do was observe my sensitivity as a fact. Rather than getting stuck with figuring out why I was so “annoyingly” emotional, I could have better used my energy figuring out how to positively use the sensitivity that is an inherent part of my being.
- Every time someone uses an adjective to describe you, write it down. This is the best insecurity police ever! Believe me. If someone describes you in any way, write it down on a list. If someone else uses the same word to describe you, write it down again. If you ever have the dreaded bought of insecurity, take out the list and read: “I am…” It’ll help you get back into a more realistic perception of yourself. Although people will use negative words to describe you, only take these into account if you receive the same word from two independent sources.
- Take a few minutes every day to just be by yourself and observe what you are feeling. We can’t hear ourselves if we never listen. If too many people are chattering, it can be hard to differentiate between individual voices and white noise. Take those few minutes every day to just sit still and listen to your own voice.
- Go for a while without caffeine, alcohol or any other drug. Yup, try it. See how you feel. You may feel like life is a big game of making choices, rather than a constant tsunami of struggles and obligations.
- Develop a daily spiritual practice. One of my mentors once told me that the most efficient path to dealing with any problem during the day is by starting fresh: take a good chunk of time immediately after waking up every morning for yourself. If you believe in God, you can pray. If you don’t, you can develop another kind of spiritual routine that allows you to connect to your inner self.
- If someone invites you to something that doesn’t sound appealing to you, kindly decline. Don’t say yes, because you “should”. Is this something you want to be using your valuable time for? Yes or no? Screw the maybes.
- Get clear about what you want and what you don’t want. What do you want, and what are you willing to do to get it? If the answer is anything, then get ready to fight past the point of what you think is possible. If someone gives you a “no”, try a new method. As long as you use new approaches to getting what you want, you’re not crazy for trying again. All you’ve got to do is keep fighting until you get what you want. It’s pretty simple, actually. Now, there may be some things that you aren’t willing to do. Know what they are and stay true to them.
- Tell the truth about how you contribute to your own pain. It’s easy to blame and shame. Taking responsibility is much more difficult, but don’t externalize your pain. No one is responsible for it but you. Even if someone did directly cause your suffering, blaming won’t do a thing. It is your job to now set higher boundaries with that person. You can’t blame anyone for their actions, if you don't lay out rules for how you want to be treated.
- Figure out what your purpose in life is. If you take nothing else away from this list, remember this: take time to discover your purpose in life. If we don’t know what we’re living for each and every day, much of our precious time is wasted in activities not necessarily aligned with our priorities. The honest truth is, we could die any day. (Hate to break it to you, but it’s true.) Don’t waste your time.
- Be clear about what your conditions of access are. Giving unconditional love doesn’t mean allowing unconditional access, the same way giving love doesn’t mean allowing harm. While we want to strive to love everyone no matter what they have done or will do, we cannot give everyone the same kind of access to our own life. Know what you need for your own health, because if you aren’t healthy yourself, you won’t be able to give health to anyone else. You can try all you want, but in the end, you can’t give what you don’t have.
Health and WellnessNov 28, 2016
12 Ways To Be More True To Yourself
Be full of yourself, so that you can enable others to fully be themselves too.
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