1. The Dog

This kisser is the one who thinks licking your face supplements for a kiss. There’s always a lot of slobber, and you’d rather have a real puppy if you’re getting slobbered on.

2. The Cannibal

If you’ve ever woken up to bruised or numb lips, you’ve experienced this kisser. Their objective is to chew off your lip, and they’ve almost succeeded.

3. The Vacuum cleaner

A boy who thinks kissing involves sucking your soul in addition to your entire lung capacity out of your mouth is not a keeper.

4. Tooth Chipper

Nobody is sure how this happens, but as soon as they go in for the kiss, your teeth clank together like tap shoes on a dance floor. Why? How? We leave this kiss with so many questions.

5. The Chatterbox

Talking while kissing is an impossible feat. They don’t realize when the right time to talk is, and this is the time for them to just shut up and kiss you.

6. The Pinwheel

Like a pinwheel being blown by the wind, they think their tongue can whirl around in your mouth at any ungodly pace. It’s not cute, it’s awkward, and you might get windburn in your mouth. They should just save the spinning for garden decorations.

7. The Pecker

Their mouth forms the shape of a small butthole and simply pokes your lips. The least invasive kiss of all but still the most uncomfortable.

8. The Face Smusher

With one hand behind your head, they do not guide but shove your face onto theirs. This is similar to the effect of smashing your face into a sliding glass door when you don’t pay attention to your surroundings. Pay attention to your surroundings. Don’t get involved with a Face Smusher.

9. The Open-Eye Kisser

The feeling of someone staring at you is one that everybody has felt at some point. Feeling that while you’re kissing and opening your eyes to see your partner giving you a straight death glare? No thanks.

10. The Moaner

Otherwise known as the audible kisser, this person makes PDA incredibly awkward. It’s best to stick to hand-holding in public with this one.

11. The Lifeguard

This kisser thinks that unknowingly practicing their mouth-to-mouth resuscitation skills while in romantic situations is the key to your heart. Little do they know your oxygen intake is perfectly normal and not in need of being supplemented. Otherwise known as The Vacuum.

12. The One

Titanic, The Notebook, and The Lizzie McGuire Movie are all prime examples of the perfect kiss. I can’t personally relate to experiencing this, but I’m sure once you have it, you’ll know. Keep trying until you find your One.