On Thursday, I started my final year of high school. I can't believe I'm finally a senior. After this school year, I will be headed to adulthood, making my own decisions, shaping my own life and — I'm cringing as I write this — paying my own bills.
I have experienced so many mixed emotions as I've gone into this year, and I know there are loads more to come, but I just thought that for now I would reminisce on what it felt like to be a freshman not so long ago. I remember my first day of high school like it was yesterday. I was scared and overwhelmed, and I never thought I would make it to where I am today.
Sometimes I wish I could go back in time and comfort that version of myself, but I don't even really know what I would do. What did I need most back then? An arm around the shoulders perhaps? A kind smile? Who knows. I think more than anything, I would have liked to see who I would become, to know that I would go on to forge incredible friendships, succeed academically, and come out of it all so much stronger. I think I would have liked to know what I know now. So I suppose this article is for that version of me, and for all the people like her. Here are the things I wish I had learned sooner:
1. Everyone else is just as scared as you.
If they say they aren't, they're probably lying. It can be terrifying to start a new part of your life, because it can also mean the end of so many things you had become comfortable with. All of the freshman you are walking into that school with right now are — whether literally or figuratively — shaking in their boots. So be kind and brave. Say hello to people you sit next to.
2. Seniors may act scary, but they're just kids too.
When you are 14 and you see a 17-year-old, they seem pretty much like an adult, but trust me, they aren't. In fact, "adulthood" is basically a made-up concept as far as I can tell. Sure, seniors know their way around the school better than you do and they pretend like they know everything, but the truth is that they remember exactly what it was like to be in your place and they're trying to get through the day just like you are.
3. School spirit isn't "uncool."
I used to avoid football games and roll my eyes at pep rallies, but looking back I wish I had participated more. I thought it was dorky to get all painted up and excited over school events but those are the kinds of things you will remember forever. I wish I could go back and go to every single game, scream every single chant, and just be there for it all. Truly caring about something isn't dumb, and being apathetic to everything doesn't make you better than anyone. You owe it to yourself to be passionate about things. And it might sound silly, but school events can be one of those things.
4. Don't take your friends for granted.
Four years can feel like a long time when you are staring it in the face freshman year but it goes by so fast. In a few years, you and your friends will be wondering where the time went. You'll all be getting ready to go to college and, even though no one will say it out loud, you'll know there's a very real chance you'll never see each other after graduation. These are the people who have been with you every step of the way, through all the crazy drama and stress, and there will come a day in the not-so-distant future where you will hug them goodbye possibly for the last time. So please, do fun things together. Go on adventures, even if they're just to the grocery store. Turn up the radio and sing along, laugh at inside jokes, love each other unabashedly, because you will blink and your chances to do those things will be over. And nothing is worse than saying goodbye.
5. Thank your parents for the things they do for you.
Your parents can be annoying, embarrassing, and weird, but they're trying their best. Just like your friends, it's easy to take them for granted, but when you go to leave for college they won't be coming with you. Cherish the time you have with them.
6. It's okay to cry.
School is crazy and stressful and it can feel like the weight of the world on your shoulders every day, but you will make it through. I promise, you can do it. Sometimes though, surviving means allowing yourself to take a moment to just cry it all out. All that frustration and anxiety shouldn't be built up inside you.
7. Relish every second.
When you graduate, you will miss things you never even thought about. So try to soak up as much as you can. Love the people around you, and tell them that you value them and that you're happy they're in your life. Throw yourself head-first into your school's academics, events, and traditions. Don't be afraid, there will be time for that later but this is the last scrap of your childhood, so enjoy it. Try to remember everything so that you can look back later and be happy that you made the most of this period in your life.
8. You are allowed to not know things.
Being a teenager is all about figuring things out. You're expected to completely understand yourself. There's this looming deadline of turning 18 where it seems like you're supposed to have everything ironed out about who you are and what you want from your life, but that's insane. There are plenty of adults who have no idea what they want out of life. If it was easy to figure out, don't you think someone would have made a "12 Steps to Magically Understanding Everything In No Time Flat" guide? You are allowed to get wrong answers in class and say "I don't know" when someone asks what you want to be when you "grow up." It's okay not to know.
9. Grades are important but they're not more important than your mental health.
Everyone wants to go to a good college. Everyone wants to get As in every class. The amount of coursework we deal with as students can sometimes get overwhelming, and it always seems like there is someone who's managing it all flawlessly even while you're falling apart. I was so stressed for an AP exam two years ago that I broke out in hives. I have sacrificed having a healthy sleep schedule countless times to try to get everything done on time. Don't let yourself get overloaded. Take a deep breath, give yourself a break, allow yourself to value your wellbeing. In the long term, your mental health and wellness are far more important than any grade.
10. The drama doesn't matter.
It doesn't make a difference who's dating who this week. Gossip is trivial. Subtweeting is stupid. Try to be good to everyone, and avoid anyone toxic. We make everything so complicated that we can feel trapped. Life becomes so much easier when you realize that a lot of the restrictions we feel are placed upon us are there because we put them there ourselves. You like that guy? What's stopping you from telling him? Are you afraid he'll say he doesn't feel the same way and you'll be kind of embarrassed? Is that honestly the worst outcome possible? Would it ruin your life? No. Tell him. You can't live your life in fear of ever being embarrassed. Life is too short not to put yourself out there.
11. In five years, everything will be different and almost none of this will matter.
Who know's what you'll end up doing with your life? Being alive is crazy and exhilarating and most of all unpredictable. You won't remember what you got on that test that you freaked yourself out over. It's not important. Make friends who genuinely challenge you to be better. Try to think long-term. Don't give up, because you have no idea what incredible things are right in your path, waiting for you to reach them. This is my mantra when I get stressed. In five years, none of this will matter. We shed old selves so many times during these formative years and next month you will be a slightly different person than you are today, with a slightly different perception of life. What you truly value can change with the wind, it happens all the time. And that's okay. Try to enjoy everything you possibly can while you have it, but don't worry about anything too much. Because in five years it probably won't matter.
12. If you allow yourself to dream, you will be unstoppable.
No matter what anyone says, the things you want for yourself are achievable if you put your mind to them. If you have a dream school, do everything in your power to make it there. Nothing is off limits. You can be whoever and whatever you want, so take advantage of that. Honestly ask yourself what the best thing you can imagine doing for the rest of your life is and then work tirelessly to get there. Don't settle for anything when it comes to your future. Take the reins and make your life amazing.
There. To the past me and everyone in her shoes, these are the things I wish I had known when I first stepped into high school. Good luck.
"Note to self: Don’t seek to be relevant, or liked, seek to be undeniable. Seek to be compassionate. Seek integrity. Seek humility. Seek Light."
- Man Bartlett
