Growing up Italian, I am used to how close-knit, loud and crazy my family is. As I got older, I quickly realized that not every family is as close as mine, and I can only imagine what it could be like for someone who is not Italian to go enter the world of pasta, loudness, and crazy Italian uncles. Here’s a guide for all of the non-Italian guys out there who are dating Italian girls:
1. Her father will threaten to kill you if you break her heart.
As well as grandfathers, brothers, uncles and cousins. Never underestimate the power of a crazy Italian father.
2. Always be hungry, and always go for seconds.
In an Italian family, there’s no such thing as being “too full.” Never refuse the steaming hot plate of pasta that Grandma hands you, or else she’ll take it personally.
3. There’s no such thing as being vegetarian.
Her grandma will take it personally if you don’t have a meatball just because you don’t eat meat.
4. Never underestimate the power of a sassy Italian grandma.
Sure, she may be less than 5 feet tall; however, she does not hold back with her opinions.
5. Expect that you won't understand half of what her family is saying.
Half of the time, Italian families speak Italian. Now's a good time to purchase an Italian/English Dictionary.
6. Chances are, there are going to be at least three people with the same name.
Expect a lot of “Sr.,” and “Jr.,” as many Italian men often name at least one of their sons after themselves.
7. She’s always right.
Never tell an Italian woman that she’s wrong. Just don’t go there, you’ll always lose that argument.
8. Sunday dinner is important to every Italian family.
Even though it's in early afternoon, clear off your schedule every Sunday, because Sunday dinner is a key part of every Italian-American's life.
9. Everyone has a nickname.
From something as simple as “Joey” to something as complex as “Sonny,” every Italian has a nickname. You might need a spreadsheet to get all of them right.
10. Acknowledge that loud is their only volume.
As Toula Portokalous from “My Big Fat Greek Wedding” says, “My cousins have two volumes: loud and louder.” The same applies to Italian families.
11. There is no such thing as privacy.
Chances are, her family will know everything about you, and you’ll probably get asked a million and one questions.
12. Everyone's really close.
Italian families are always together, so don't be surprised if a random family member comes over unannounced, or if they do pretty much everything together.
