Here I am on this gorgeous October day, realizing that I have waited far too long to think of a Halloween costume. Halloween is quickly coming and I am definitely stressing about what I want to do this year. Every year, I do the same thing. I wait too long because I know it is going to be too difficult to decide and then I end up being a cat. It's a vicious cycle that I cannot seem to get out of. So here I am. Thinking and rejecting. Brainstorming. Using my imagination. It's truly exhausting. So who do I go to when I cannot think of an answer? GOOGLE! So, I go to type in "halloween costume ideas". I definitely did not suspect the results that I got back. Here are some of the weirdest, most uncomfortable, most questionable Halloween Costumes I came across.

1. Burger King Whopper & Green Poop

Ok... I've seen people be "Burger King" himself for Halloween (e.g. the costume on the left). However, I don't understand who would WILLINGLY dress up as a piece of green poop for Halloween! You only get one time per year to be whatever you want in the entire world... and you choose poop? It seems to say a lot about your self-esteem.

2. Pizza Rat

I understand that Party City, Spirit Halloween, Halloween Express, etc. are just making these costumes so they can make money. They see something that went viral for a hot second and they jump on it. I'm not knocking the companies for making this costume because they are just looking for an easy way to make more money. I'm definitely knocking on the people that are going to spend more than $50.00 on a piece of fabric that makes you look like the "sexy" version of a dirty rat that chased pizza down in a NY Subway station. The idea to be the pizza rat may be funny if you're in college, and it's a pretty easy costume to make on a budget. However, to pay for a costume that makes you look like you're trying to be a sexy subway rat? I just don't understand that.

3. Toilet

When I was his age, I wanted to be a princess for Halloween. My brother wanted to be a Power Ranger or Woody from Toy Story. What kid wakes up on a morning in October & begs their mom/dad to buy them a "toilet" costume for Halloween?! And what parent would let their child be a toilet for Halloween? The kid might think it's a funny idea right now, but when he's older he's going to look back and regret that. Just think about what a toilet is used for... would you really want your kid to dress up like that?

4. Mammography Machine

Good try, but no one is going to do that for you. This may have felt like a funny idea when you thought about it, but really you just look creepy. Probably creepier than the person with a fake machete through his skull, at least for the women in the room.

5. The Human Centipede

I have NO words. JUST NO.

6. Genie's Lamp

You are probably the guy that girls roll their eyes at. You are probably the guy that gets too drunk at parties and ends up just sitting there, talking about your high school football years. You just look desperate, to be honest. You spent money on that. Come on, help yourself out. There are plenty of other jokes you can make with a costume that don't look this bad.

7. Sexy Grapes

So I think this is supposed to be a "sexy grape" costume. I am not going to lie, it took me a while to genuinely figure it out though. This is an awful costume. Regardless of what you are trying to be, it just looks stupid. Pick something else.

8. Purple Man (?)

I literally have no idea what this person is supposed to be. It looks like it has something to do with the beach, given the floaties, the shovels, the buckets, and the goggles. However, the whole monkey thing is really throwing me off. It almost looks like he just raided the beach bag in the attic and threw whatever he could find on his body. I give this costume a 0/10.

9. Cigarettes

I get the joke you were going for, but eeeeek! I'm not sure what year this was, but children + cigarettes = definite no-no. Big red flag here. What happened to dressing kids up as pumpkins or little mummies and calling it a day? I'm confused and concerned.

10. Pad/Tampon/Female Hygiene Products

There are so many more of these kinds of costumes than I care to admit. I feel like we don't need to go there. Pick a different costume. Also, why would you want to dress up as a bloody diaper, for lack of better terms?

11. TMNT

The old saying, "When all else fails, use duct tape!" does not really apply here. 10/10 for true effort though.

12. Condom

This is just WRONG. What are these parents thinking?! He has no idea what he's wearing. Just let him be a cool ninja warrior, or a Power Ranger, or Spiderman or something. Why would you do this to your child? Again, I'm confused and concerned.

After seeing many of these very confusing and inappropriate costumes, I still cannot see how I would be able to choose a costume, when they all look like this. So, I'll just push the decision until tomorrow, or the next day, or the next day. Eh, I'll probably just resort to being a cat again, for the 5th year in a row.