Summer is upon us, which means tan folks are everywhere. However, if you look closely, you're bound to spot one of us: pale girls. We sport tank tops and shock onlookers with our stark whiteness. We are the whitest of white. We have been asked multiple times if "albino runs in our family," but that's not the only problem. Here are 12 summer struggles every pale girl goes through:
1. Your body has a fight-or-flight reaction to the sun.
You definitely go out during the summer for the first time thinking that everything will be fine. However, as soon as those UV rays hit you, you remember the insufferable sunburns you went through the previous year. Or at least your body remembers... and it will do everything in its power to remind you not to make last year's mistakes.
2. You get annoyed when people ask you about your paleness.
Why is your skin so fascinating to others? You're not a part of the Blue Man Group. And how many times will people ask you if "albino runs in your family?" You're used to it, though, so you just put on a smile and say, "I just have really pale skin, I guess."
3. You begin every summer thinking that this is the year you'll finally get tan.
The start of summer is a phase of disillusionment for you, as you research ways to get tan and think that you actually have a shot. "I'll spend short amounts of time in the sun," you think. "That way my skin can ease up to the sun and gradually get darker." You snap back to reality, though, as soon as you wake up with a bright red back.
4. After 15 minutes in the sun, you look like this.
Honestly, this GIF of Ted from "How I Met Your Mother" might even be an understatement. You are no stranger to aloe and stinging showers. Call yourself what you will ... a tomato ... a red pepper ... a lobster ... but either way ... you hurt.
5. You've tried self tanner, but it turns out all splotchy.
How many times have you wasted your money on self tanner only to find streaks of brown appear all over your legs and arms? That doesn't stop you, though, from lathering up your whole body and steering clear of sitting on furniture.
6. You've tried spray tans, but that always ends up a disaster.
Oh, Ross. We feel your pain. Spray tans would be OK ... if you didn't end up looking 20 shades darker than you usually do. You go in looking like a human snowman and leave looking like your preparation for playing Anita in "West Side Story" went wayyyy overboard.
7. Your summer job basically goes straight to your sunscreen fund.
Banana Boat. Aveeno. Hawaiian Tropic. Neutrogena. You've tried them all, and that means you've bought them all. You incredibly pale people should get sunscreen for free ... considering if we don't use them we spend weeks treating our burns. It's only fair ... right?
8. You can't stand it when people can go out in the sun without sunscreen.
We all know this person. They're usually the same person who complains about being "pale" during the winter. When you go to the pool with them, they won't put on a drop of sunscreen, while you'll reapply six or seven times. However, it's you who ends up with lobster skin and the other who goes home looking like Malibu Barbie.
9. And we all know that person who always says, "Oh, I burn, but when I wake up the next morning, it turns into a tan!"
The one with magic skin! How does this person's skin do this? You both leave the beach with red arms and legs, but you see them a day later with a sun-kissed glow as you're on your way to buy aloe from the grocery store. Can you buy their skin instead?
10. You hold on to the hope that everyone who can tan will end up growing up to look like this:
Am I the only one who sends this image to people when they bother me with their tanning talk? You consistently tell people, "Well, at least I won't grow up and look like a leather bag." But in reality ... you know you'll probably just look like a very white leather bag instead.
11. And you hold on to the hope that you'll grow up to look like this:
But a girl can dream, right? When you see beautiful pale woman in the spotlight you can't help but go, "YES! This is why I don't tan. It's bad for your skin, and I'm going to grow up like her!"
12. But for now ... you'll just have to deal with being THIS person.
But when next summer rolls around... you'll end up back where you started ... just like this girl.
