As we ascend into Hades's lair, I mean, prepare for finals week, college students start to slowly suffer sleep withdrawal, overdose on large amounts of caffeine, and turn into nocturnal animals right before our eyes. Some cope with the insane amount of studying with some breaks between cramming as much knowledge in their head as possible. Others (me) procrastinate until the very last second, only to find themselves laying in a fetal position for over three hours while rocking back and forth in a vigorous motion. We all handle it differently, but it sucks no matter what path we decide to take.
1. The "Finals Week" schedule comes out on Blackboard. So, it begins.
2. “Oh, it’s a week away. I have time.”
I’m going to go and procrastinate with Netflix, sleep my life away, and eat at every place that delivers to my dorm.
3. “I went to lectures this whole year. I’ll be good, right?”
You know that’s a lie and I know that’s a lie. You slept in most days, refused to go to class on rainy days, and decided to grab some much needed Chipotle instead of going when you were supposed to. There's no need to lie to yourself more than you already have.
4. “What do you mean it’s cumulative?”
5. You do the sobbing in the shower routine so that you don’t disturb your suite-mates, as they actually know what they’re doing with their lives.
“Liz, are you OK? You’ve been in there for a while?”
"Yep! I’m 100 percent OK!"
Meanwhile, I’m sobbing in the fetal position, hoping that my tears and the shower water drown me.
6. Your first time sitting down and studying is basically just giving yourself a well-rehearsed pep talk.
“You can do this. You are an amazing human being. You are a beyond amazing human being. Are you really going to let a piece of paper put you in a state of manic depression?”
Yes, you are.
7. Your textbooks have been written in a completely different language.
Can someone please explain to me what endosymbiosis is?
8. The Web MD search of combining Monster, Red Bull, coffee, and sleep deprivation is a good idea.
“May cause psychological problems, consistent insomnia, and cancer.”
9. You hear the phrase “C’s get Degrees,” but remember that you’re pre-med and C’s are considered failing.
Please kill me.
10. After crying while walking to the lecture halls and shot-gunning a Red Bull beforehand, the first day of exams arrives.
11. The reaction that you have when the exam grades are all posted:
12. After gaining twenty pounds in only one week, not feeling the comfort of your bed, and looking 30 years older than you actually are, you’re finally done with finals.
Now, we have to do this all again next semester.
