Being 5’1” comes with many perks: being able to reach lower objects, wearing heels whenever I want to, and sneaking away with children discounts on the days I don’t wear makeup. However, this is definitely a double-edged sword, to the extents of which I outline below.
1. Finding Pants
When you have small legs and big hips, your life can be a struggle. Finding pants that will not make you look like a child playing dress up or a suburban mom will be the biggest challenge. However, I have found that tailors can be a great way to afford the best pants you dream of.
2. Putting Away Dishes
Do you know what it feels like to cause an avalanche? Probably not. But we short people know what it feels like to ALMOST cause an avalanche every time they put away dishes in high counters. Also, if we live at home and they are our mother’s dishes, best be with you.
3. Being Other People’s Armrest
I hate this and stop thank-you.
4. Reaching
See, people think that just because I am short that I can reach below the couch. Do you want to know what else is short? My proportionate arms and patience.
5. Ageism
Literal Dialogue:
“Hi Miss, can you use that credit card, you have to be twelve in order to, or have a guardian with you.”
“I can show you both my driver’s license and college ID if you want.”
(My friends dying in the background)
6. Sports
I love sports in many ways because it is a great mental and physical competition. However, when others are vertically blessed more than you, in some athletic areas, it can be hard to find your power. But to the short people with the bigger game, I wish I was as cool as you.
7. Driving
First of all, you alway shave to adjust your seat way close to the steering wheel. Then, all of your mirrors need to be changed accordingly. And do not even get me started on how the picture for my license went over (two words: tip-toes).
8. Groceries
No, I do not want to be in a rom-com where the guy gets me my spaghetti sauce! I also do NOT want to go all King Kong on the shelves and die the most embarrassing death of all time. So, discount spaghetti sauce it is.
9. Bullying
Basically, if you are not “normal” in any way, you will be bullied for that feature. For me, it was a number of things, but being short was definitely one of them. They said I looked like a child, was stupid, and bad at sports. Well, still look like a child, finishing two degrees in four years, and alright at some sports. So beat it, mean kids, the new sheriff is in town.
10. Rides
Have you ever wanted to go on a ride as a kid but have been too short? Remember how embarrassing that is? Now imagine that, but while you are on a date when you are in your twenties. Priceless.
11. Drive-Thru Windows
Parking your car close enough to the curb while not scratching your tires against the curb is an art form. Usually, even then my arms aren’t long enough, and I feel like a jerk making the poor fast food employee do that dramatic movie hand-off thing.
12. Heels
Hi, you know how I said this was a perk? Well, it is, sometimes. However, if all the “normal sized” people wear heels, you HAVE to in order to look good for pictures, because otherwise, you will be in the bottom left corner of every shot of that night.
