The Bard's words are timeless, but it's not all "thee" and "thou." The man's got a knack for insulting people in ways they sometimes don't realize are insulting - and if you whip these out the next time someone annoys you, they'll be looking for a comeback, too.
1. "There's small choice in rotten apples."
This is what I think of when people ask me which Kardashian I like best. From "The Taming of The Shrew."
2."Away, you three inch fool!"
Depending on who you're talking to, this could be insulting for several reasons. Also from "The Taming of The Shrew."
3."I desire that we be better strangers."
Jaques (pronounced Jack-quees, because Shakespeare) and Orlando are flinging insults every which way throughout the play. This one stands out. It's so polite that you barely even notice someone's saying "please go away, I don't like being around you." From "As You Like It" -which is chock full of classic Shakespearian insults.
4.“Peace, ye fat guts!”
Even better out of context. Also works well with a mic drop. From "Henry IV, Part 1."
5.“Thou art like a toad; ugly and venomous.”
Brevity's the soul of wit, yes? This one gets right to it. From "As You Like It."
6. "More of your conversation would infect my brain."
For the fellow student who never stops making inane comments during class. From "Coriolanus" - it may be a tragedy, but that won't stop Shakespeare's sick burns.
7."Out of my sight! thou dost infect my eyes."
When you just can't deal with someone anymore - from "Richard III."
8. "Thou sodden-witted lord! Thou hast no more brain than I have in mine elbows."
Can't think of a sicker burn than "sodden-witted," plus being followed up with brain-elbows. From "Troilus and Cressida."
9. "Heaven truly knows that thou art false as hell."
Minus the "thou," this sounds pretty much like what I'd say to my fellow 21st century friends. From "Othello."
10. "I scorn you, scurvy companion."
When your friend is acting particularly lacking in vitamin C. From "Henry IV, Part 2."
11. "You egg, you fry of treachery."
When in doubt, "egg" is a good go-to insult. From "Macbeth."
12. "No sir, but I do bite my thumb."
When you're just a little salty and don't want to own up to it, thumb-biting is the Elizabethan equivalent to flipping someone off under the table. From "Romeo and Juliet."
