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12 Reasons Why 'Bachelor in Paradise' Is The Best Reality Show On TV

Twelve reasons I am a sleaze and won’t miss "Bachelor in Paradise".

Aug 22, 2016

12 Reasons Why 'Bachelor in Paradise' Is The Best Reality Show On TV

"The Bachelor" and "The Bachelorette" are easily the most simultaneously beloved and hated reality franchise on TV. While people trash talk the show, they can't seem to resist turning on their TV's every Monday night to watch people "fall in love" before their eyes. We all know that "Bachelor in Paradise" is 10 times trashier than the regular "Bachelor/Bachelorette" series, but people (myself included) can't seem to stay away... I have analyzed my obsession and these are 12 reasons that I think explain why "Bachelor in Paradise" is the best reality show on TV:

1. Chad

Is there an actual diagnosis here or is he just that dumb? His love of lunch meat, himself and the bottle have made him America’s most infamous bully. Dude- I hope when you got booted, you went straight to sensitivity training.

However, there is such a thing as too much sensitivity, which brings us to…

2. Evan’s tank tops (and goatee)
I can’t quite figure out this hipster weasel. As a guy who works with erectile disfunction, you would think he’d have things a little more dialed in. Hey man, Carly actually vomited after you two kissed- TAKE A HINT. How, how I ask you, does this man have two children??

3. Josh's moaning

Whether he’s eating pizza, sucking face with Amanda, or doing both at the same time (ew!) the sound editors put this porno groan on a constant loop and went out to lunch.

Honorable mention: his overactive sweat glands (double ew!) and how Amanda pretends not to notice

4. A chance to tell the twins apart

Poor Brandon went home because he couldn’t tell the difference, but the real question is, Haley or Emily, Emily or Haley, does anyone really care?

5. Ashley I's crying

I need to get me some of that girl’s waterproof mascara.
A quick note to Jared— Stop leading this poor girl on! You think you’re being nice, but just rip that band-aid off already.

6. Cailia's hair

She is a walking Pantene ad. From the hairline down, just squinty eyes and boooooring, but, oh, that hair!

Speaking of hair, or the lack thereof…

7. Lace’s extensions

Why The Face? Who is this girl fooling? If you choose to go this route, IN MEXICO, choose the correct color, a material resembling real hair, and for God’s sake, do not let your drunk friend put them in for you. On second thought, maybe she put them in herself?!?

8. Jorge wisdom

Bartenders have always doled out advice with drinks, and in Paradise both are free flowing. Maybe it’s because he’s the only one who’s not drunk, but when he warns Amanda about Josh, Ashley about Jared, and everyone about Chad, he’s spot on. If only the contestants had their personal belongings, maybe he’d get a tip.

9. Daniel’s Canadian crazy

That speedo, those abs, that thing with the syrup (!). Just when you think he’s a complete Hoser, he says something super sweet and insightful and you’re hooked on this Canuck.

10-12.

Milwaukee’s own Nick, Nick, Nick. He’s so nice I named him thrice. Three little words. Re. Demp. Tion. He’s from Milwaukee, I’m from Milwaukee… If only I’d met him before he met Andi and Kaitlyn and Amanda and Jen and became the hottest, funniest, most adorable non-bachelor in the Bachelor Franchise.

Needless to say, this show is the perfect combination of both sleazy and superb. I'm not ashamed to say that watching "Bachelor in Paradise" is my guilty pleasure and makes Monday's my second favorite day of the week (next to Friday of course!)... TGIM, anyone??

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This article has not been reviewed by Odyssey HQ and solely reflects the ideas and opinions of the creator.

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12 Reasons Why 'Bachelor in Paradise' Is The Best Reality Show On TV

Twelve reasons I am a sleaze and won’t miss "Bachelor in Paradise".

1. Chad

2. Evan’s tank tops (and goatee)

3. Josh's moaning

4. A chance to tell the twins apart

5. Ashley I's crying

6. Cailia's hair

7. Lace’s extensions

8. Jorge wisdom

9. Daniel’s Canadian crazy

10-12.

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#Adulting is hard.

1. Taking care of yourself when you're sick

2. Making a to-do list

3. Planning your activities around the weather

4. Scheduling your own doctor’s appointments

5. Getting your own toilet paper

6. Making food without needing to ask your mom questions

7. Holding your tongue

8. Saving your paycheck (or your tax refund) to pay your bills

9. Balancing your checkbook

10. Going places alone

11. Packing your own lunches

12. Actually eating your vegetables...on purpose

13. Taking a multivitamin

14. Planning a life after graduation

Sometimes bigger isn't always better.

1. If something happens, everyone knows about it

2. Never getting to be invisible

3. Knowing every single thing about every single person in the town

4. New kids are a big deal

5. It’s hard to make new friends

6. On that note ... the dating pool is even smaller!

7. Teachers are weirdly close to their students

8. It forced you to make friends out of school

No, I can't help you.

1. When a customer wants to return a product, hands you the receipt, where is printed "ALL SALES ARE FINAL" in all caps.

2. Just because you might be having a bad day, and you're in a crappy mood, doesn't make it okay for you to yell at me or be rude to me. I'm a person with feelings, just like you.

3. People refusing to be put on hold when a customer is standing right in front of you. Oh, how I wish I could just hang up on you!

4. Having the same conversations over and over again! To be honest I really don't even want to talk to you right now, or have this fake ass smile on my face!

5. Always having to have a smile on your face. I promise I'm not as happy as I may look!

6. Customers not understanding that sometimes, mistakes happen. I am a human being, we all mess up sometimes!

7. Having the boss from hell, it's their way or the highway! Even though I did my job correctly and efficiently, if I don't do it the exact way you do, I'm a piece of shit.

8. Having coworker who don't help out, who bend the rules just enough to screw you over.

9. Having to be at work after closing because a customer is taking forever and half! Not like I'd like to go home or anything!

10. Having shitty hours and more shifts than you asked for. Just because we don't have enough workers, doesn't mean I want to pick up every shift that you cant cover, oh great boss of mine!

11. Not having time for a social life. It gets old saying, "I can't I have work..." Every day of the week!

12. Having that lazy costumer who can't do anything for themselves... no please I'll get that, it's no problem at all!

It's just my face, I swear.

1. When you meet new people, they automatically assume you hate them or are rude.

2. People are constantly asking you if you're OK.

3. After being friends with someone for a while, they confess to you, "I thought you were so mean when I first met you," or, "I thought you hated me."

4. You get told to smile more, but they don't understand how scary that would be.

5. You're always labeled as seeming "judgy."

6. Passing a friend with your RBF in full force and not realizing you just shot them a death glare.

7. Being sarcastic, but everyone thinks you're outright rude.

8. Not knowing how mean you really look until you see a picture of yourself in resting face.

9. Your apologies never sound sincere because of your emotionless face.

10. Your "mad face" scares you.

11. And, lastly, people are constantly asking you if you are happy or having a good time because you look bored to death.

Please hold your blonde joke.

1. "Is Elle Woods your spirit animal?"

2. "Is that your natural hair color?"

3. "Oh wow, you get good grades at school?"

4. "You must really like the color pink!"

5. "You’re probably not into sports, right?"

6. "You must have such a bubbly personality."

7. "Your wardrobe must consist of all things preppy."

8. "What sorority are you in?"

9. "You were probably a cheerleader in high school."

10. "You look like you’re from L.A. because your hair is so light."

11. "You definitely like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes from Starbucks!"

12. "Do you actually think blondes have more fun?"

13. "You must encompass the typical “white girl” stereotype."

14. "Is that daddy’s credit card you’re using?"

15. "So all of your friends are blonde too?"

16. "I’m surprised about you; I thought you would be a lot ditsier."

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