When I was really little I LOVED going to the dentist. She had grape flavored gloves and I got to pick something out of the treasure chest at the end. Going to the dentist is an entirely different experience as an adult and one that should be avoided at all costs.

1. They are horrible listeners; they never seem to understand what I am trying to tell them. “So, what is your major?” “Immmaa (inserts spit and saliva sucker)” “Oh wow that sounds exciting.”
2. They don’t let you play with their fancy tools. “Excuse me mam, can you please stop trying to squirt people with mister swishy?”
3. The napkin they put on your shirt is a total tease. “Why are your hands in my mouth instead of food? Napkin=food!”
4. You can’t eat for at least half an hour. This is the worst one because my dentist is right next to a Chipotle.
5. No matter how hard you try, you always bite your cheek when you’ve been shot up with Novocain.
6. Speaking of Novocain, do they even know what a slight pinch is?
7. “Let me know if I’m hurting you” doesn’t actually mean to let them know. Transport yourself to a happy place or say a prayer until they are done fully scraping every bit of plaque off.
8. Those hook and scraper tools; Straight. From. Satan.
9. Invisaligns are a trap. Yes your teeth are pretty, but no one tells you how bad it will hurt.
10. The waiting room is always freezing. Bring a sweatshirt and buckle in for the ride.
11. You only think that the toothbrush and floss in your goodie bag are free. When you grow up, you learn the truth.
12. And the number one reason to never go to the dentist again is: you don’t get a sticker once you’re an adult. The hours you just spent with several peoples’ hands in your mouth has no reward.

Disclaimer: Please go to the dentist, clean dental health is incredibly important. Also, floss every day. A cleaning hurts a lot more when you don’t.