As I speak to my friends and peers, I keep hearing a similar thought being repeated: that it is incredibly difficult, and even stressful, to return home after being away for so long at college. This is a message that I personally identify with, as my home life has always been a jumble of moving to and fro from my mother’s and father’s homes, leaving me somewhat displaced. For me, my dorm was the first place where I could leave all my things without packing a backpack full of clothes at the end of each week. Now, I recognize that this is not everyone’s experience, and that for some the stress of going home stems from the impact of trauma, familial tensions or lack of acceptance, a sudden lack of activities, missing friends, eating differently or any number of things; yet it seems that the consensus arises in the fact that we all feel a sense of regressing when we go home.
Guess what? That’s completely valid!
Typically, going home means returning to a physical space that defined who you were before you went to college, and it leads us to the age-old question: Am I still this person, and if not how have I progressed? It can be difficult to account for the ways we’ve changed when we find ourselves returning to the company of the same people, places, hobbies and habits that we did before we went to college. The truth is, though, many of us have changed. Even if you tried to remain unchanged, it is incredibly difficult to remain the same after being exposed to so many new people and concepts, after learning so much about yourself (or not learning so much about yourself, but in doing so finding what education methods don’t work for you), and just by virtue of growing up!
Still, it can be hard to put our minds at ease so here are some tricks and tips to staying healthy while at home:
1. In the words of Steven Universe’s father, Greg, “Sometimes, you just gotta know when to bail.” While you may not be able to physically leave your home, removing yourself from harmful situations (anxiety inducing, uncivil or degrading conversations or actions) is important to your health. In the moment it may feel as though you’re not being firm in your stance or as though you’re losing the argument, but giving yourself the space to rethink things and let the others involve do the same is usually a win for mental health all around.
2. Try to make plans with friends wherever possible.
3. To combat feelings of numbness or monotony due to a repetitive routine, I find that keeping tactile objects at hand is helpful, this way you are able to focus your attention on something while reminding yourself that you are alive, awake and in control of your own life. Having the object be something of meaning to you (like a gift from a loved one — maybe someone you’re eager to get back to at school) gets you double the health points!
4. Wearing, drinking/eating, visualizing or surrounding ourselves with certain colors we find soothing or positively symbolic can be helpful to centering ourselves or just keeping in a happy spirit. (Examples: Red= energy, strength, motivation; Blue= calm, peace, relation; Purple= inspiration, imagination, empathy.)
5. Breathing techniques like belly breathing or even forms of soft or intensive yoga which typically incorporates breathing exercises.
6. Recalling what you love. I know that being in an uncomfortable environment can certainly damper our optimism, but in times of strife it is important to remember the things you love because they are part of what motivate you to move forward.
7. Try to stay physically active. No, this doesn’t mean exercise (unless that makes you feel better, then try that!), rather that if you have the resources to keep yourself busy in any way, try that.
8. Learn something new! So you have some time on your hands? Well remember all the Tumblr/Twitter/Facebook/Pinterest posts you liked and saved for later to try and that skill you always wanted to learn or perfect? The time has come to get started on that. This will help you feel accomplished, not to mention you’ll be taking advantage of time when you’re not studying or doing homework so that you can give your full attention to learning in the way you choose.
9. Remember that you are in control of your own actions, but not those of others. You can’t change your family but you can open up to them about how you feel and maybe inspire them to make the change themselves.
10. Remember that everyone in your life has had a different genetic code, different life experiences and different backgrounds than you. That is the reason for the choices they make, and while you may not always understand them, it’s vital to try and respect them with the knowledge that the choices an individual makes make sense to that individual.
11. Try to enjoy your time with yourself, be it in your room, in the bathroom/shower or on a walk. You know yourself better than anyone and you and yourself need to check-in with each other every now and then.
12. Remember that soon school will resume and we’ll all be back on campus, probably looking forward to the next break, even if it comes with its complications
Remember: You deserve to be healthy and happy.
And as a bonus, here is a picture of my cat, Shadow. Shadow and I believe in you!
