So my roommate experiences extreme sleepwalking and sleep talking. While it can be a little annoying at times, like when I'm staying up late writing a big paper, it can also be pretty entertaining. Here of are just a dozen my favorite quotes:

1. "I do not appreciate your sass."

Because apparently telling her that the ceiling light is, in fact, not Arnold Palmer's spirit lighting up our room is too sassy for her at 2 AM.

2. "I think we need to talk about your alcoholism."

I don't even drink. Like, ever. But no matter what I said to try to explain that to her, I was really just in denial or experiencing memory loss due to my excessive alcohol consumption.

3. "*unprompted blood-curdling scream*"

Me: What happened? Are you okay? Her: I just thought of Donald Trump's face.

4. "Be careful. There are whales and emo spiders waiting to get you if you get out of bed."

We don't know where she got the whales, but the emo spiders have been a mechanism to keep her from walking outside in the middle of the night since coming to college - if she gets up, the emo spiders will throw her out of school.

5. "Shut up, Steve Harvey! Do you KNOW what time it is?"

We can just barely hear the TV next door at night, and it is regularly playing Family Feud.

6. "Philly died today."

Don't worry - Philly was very much alive. Another time she told me Philly had cancer, which is also not true, and then proceeded to cry because he was not having it treated.

7. "Do you know what's an awkward moment?"

The answer turned out to be "that awkward moment between life and death" in case you were curious. Deep.

8. "Santa's not real - it's your parents!"

Just in time for the holidays! She said she had to be harsh or I wouldn't have believed her. When I called her a dream killer for this, she replied that she is actually a "reality bringer".

9. "You know, Benito Mussolini was kind of an inspiration."

"He was," after all, "a journalist who became the most powerful man in Italy with no political knowledge." Well, when you put it that way...

10. "I walk a lonely road, the only one that I have ever known."

She is a little emo in her sleep, so she regularly sings Greenday's Boulevard Broken Dreams to herself.

11. "Ants just want to eat our crumbs, but we're all like, 'no, die!'"

"Poor, poor little ants." She's an insect-rights activist in her sleep, too.

12. "People cannot talk in their sleep."

Alright, honey. You keep telling yourself that.