With all the talk about the "Perfect Road-trip" and summer coming to an end, it's time to play the devil's advocate and reveal what really happens on cross country trips - in no particular order.
1. You'll refuse to use a public restroom.
It goes without saying that public restrooms are a natural disaster. No bathroom is safe from the horrors of unnatural smells, and sketchy puddles of water all over the place. Even the nicest restrooms can be a little horrifying, especially if they're empty, and for girls, using the bathroom often results in a feat akin to Cirque du Soleil. At some point during the roadtrip, you will feel very thankful for the porcelain throne you have at home, and you'll even begin to miss it.
2. You will lose feeling in your butt.
It's easy to jump in a car and take a long drive across the country but those long drives often mean being cramped in a car for hours on end. Sure, half of the fun about going on roadtrips is getting out and exploring old antique shops and taking selfies at national monuments, but getting to those moments requires several hours of sitting in a car fumbling with directions. By the time you do get out to stretch your legs and bring feeling back into your lower half, it will be time to hop back in again.
3. Eventually you'll start running on fumes
You know that moment in movies where the main character gets stranded in the middle of nowhere, and ends up having to hike a few miles to get their car fixed while vultures circle ahead? There's a reason so many of those instances happen during a road trip, and while your car breaking down may not be as dramatic as breaking down in the deserts of Arizona, it can happen. Breaking down puts a real damper on things and the hike to a gas station or mechanic is almost as bad as doing the Walk of Shame.
4. You'll miscalculate everything
Whenever planning a road trip, it's always a good idea to plan out how much you want to spend on things like lodging, sightseeing, and shopping. First time roadies should also take that figure and double or triple that amount. Why? Because cars break down, things get lost, attractions become expensive, and going from state to state sometimes has unexpected costs, like tolls. And while these are easy enough to get around with some creativity, it can be a frustrating for first time travelers.
5. You'll have to decide who to take.
The million dollar question that everyone should ask themselves before taking a road trip is: "Do I go with friends or family?" Both has its perks and it just depends on your preference. With friends, generally you can be a little wilder whereas family is more reserved and may opt to do things at their own pace. My personal suggestion would be to go alone. There will be lonely moments, but going on a road trip solo often means that you can move at your own pace, see what you want, sleep where you want, and truly experience the things you set out to see. Friends and family are great, but nothing is more spiritual than driving to the west on your own to indulge in a churro while sitting at the edge of the Grand Canyon.
6. You’ll fight with your road trip buddy.
It's inevitable. One moment you and your road-trip pal are singing along to Taylor Swifts' latest single, and the next, you're arguing about who ate the last bag of Cheetos. You'll argue over directions, pit stops, food, and depending on who you're with, you may end up arguing because you argue too much. It happens. The best thing to do in that case is to remember that you love the person you're driving with… And that they also have the keys to the car.
7. You'll learn to read a map
One thing I'm thankful for, is being taught how to properly read a map, especially since it's kind of a necessity when you're going on a roadtrip. As a millennial, I love my gadgets. Good ole Siri can get me out of almost any situation but sometimes, Siri can be an idiot. Asking Siri for the nearest rest stop sometimes results in passing two of them before you get to one, and though GPS is great (and I swear by it) it can take you in circles before you get where you're going. Couple this with the fact that our tech needs to be charged every few hours, and it's worthless in certain areas. Knowing how to read a map comes in handy, just in case.
8. You’ll eat weird things.
Trying weird foods comes with the territory of going on roadtrips, and eight hours on a back road with no McDonalds in sight makes people really creative when it comes to food. Frogs legs and fried alligator will sound (and taste) really good when it comes down to it, and the small town restaurant you get them from will remind you of a place straight out of a horror movie, but hey, at least it's better than gas station junk and at least they serve up some banging BBQ veal.
9. Getting sleep will become a challenge.
Some people sleep in their cars when driving cross-country, others choose hotels dotted along the way, and the braver souls of us dare to sleep in roach infested motels. Finding a sleeping choice is hard but just like food, it demands creativity especially where finances and security are involved. While sleeping in your car is the cheapest option, it isn't always the safest and it can result in sleeping cramps that last well into daytime. Sometimes, the best option to catch some zzzz’s may be camping at the nearest camp area.
10. You ’ll become the definition of a tourist
The first time I went on a road-trip cross country, I took pictures of everything. From the mountains in Kingsman, Arizona to my Pho at a Vietnamese restaurant, and even the garbage on Hollywood boulevard, nothing missed my camera’s eye, and i don't regret anything. Take as many pictures as possible, enjoy that giddy delight of experiencing something old in a new place, buy all the souvenirs, and take it all in. The natives will stare, but driving cross-country may mean you will never return to those hidden spots on the map. So take it all in and be the biggest tourist you can.
11. You'll find yourself.
Somewhere along the way, after you've gotten lost on state roads, and woken up with skittles plastered to your face, you'll realize that this is what life is all about. The open road, dazzling sunsets, good laughs, and exploration makes the whole trip worth it. And even if you hated the drive, you'll look back on it and be thankful you did it at least once.
