Christmas may be over, but the celebrating still continues as New Year's rolls around the corner. New year, new me, right? As soon as the clock strikes midnight on January 1, everyone is suddenly on a diet, ready to exercise more and travel the world just as they always dreamed of doing! At least this is what they tell themselves for the first two weeks of the new year. After January, the abundance of people who started working out gradually go to the gym less, eat more and drink the same amount as they did last year. Here are some resolutions for 2016 that will inevitably fail, unless you have great commitment and dedication.
1. Eat healthier.
Instead of reaching for the cookies and fast food, you're going to try to eat vegetables, fruit and kale. Because apparently a change in the year means that these foods will taste better than junk food. The first couple of days are easy and you think you could get the hang of healthy food. As long as you drench vegetables in ranch dressing they don't taste too terrible, right? Inevitably, you will pass the junk food aisle in the grocery store and give in. You can tell yourself reduced fat chips are still healthy, but there is no excuse for the zebra cakes or cocoa cremes.
2. Exercise more.
You're going to wake up every morning before the sun rises and run before you start the day! Because running is a great way to lose the weight from your failed diet and there is no embarrassment of going to the gym and looking absolutely clueless. You set your alarm for 5:30 a.m. because 2016 also means you can wake up that early, no problem. Maybe the first day you actually do wake up, put on your running shoes and start with a brisk jog. After five minutes you realize your body does not like running, so you jog back to your car and get coffee and donuts instead.
3. Stay organized.
Time to color coordinate everything! All binders, notes, and folders will remain organized throughout the entire year! Pinterest has so many organization tips, so how can this resolution fail? Then one day you misplace an assignment so you tear everything apart to look for it. After you finally find it, you just decide to leave the mess you made and maybe you can clean it later.
4. Save money.
Living paycheck to paycheck is rough, so every couple of weeks you decide to save part of it in a cute mason jar that you found on Pinterest. It's easy at first, but then your friends decide to go out on Friday night and all of a sudden the next day you wake up to an empty mason jar. Food and drinks are more expensive than you thought.
5. Procrastinate less.
This semester is the semester you finally get that GPA up! All assignments are going to be done before the day they are due, because procrastinating is getting old. Ten page paper due in two weeks? You can work on one page each day and it will be done in no time! Two weeks go by and the shock hits you that the paper is due tomorrow and you are still doing pointless activities that contribute nothing to the essay.
6. Get more sleep.
Three hours of sleep isn't cutting it anymore, so a full eight hours of sleep each night means waking up earlier and being more productive throughout the day. Changing sleeping habits is difficult though, and your circadian rhythm is not used to going to bed at 10 p.m. After three hours of laying in bed staring at a dark ceiling, you decide to just stay up and binge watch that new Netflix original series you have been dying to watch.
7. Become more social.
Join a club, go to parties and meet new people in 2016! This one seems easy until you show up to the party, know no one, and decide to go back home to your pets because they are way better company than other humans.
8. Learn another language.
Rosetta Stone seems like an easy way to learn another language, so you decide to try it out. Simple words are easy to remember, so the first few chapters are a piece of cake. After a while though, you realize you don't even know correct grammar in your own language.
9. Be more adventurous.
Rock climbing, parasailing, and sky diving all sound like great fun! You want the adrenaline rush that comes with being active and doing exciting activities. This requires actually leaving your room, maybe even driving off campus and having the courage to follow through with the adventure.
10. Use social media less.
This seems a little more doable than the others because all you have to do is put down the phone every once in awhile. Maybe all of your friends can put their phones in the center of the table so no one can enjoy social media. This will force actual communication and social skills, but how difficult can that be? You can go more than 5 minutes without a funny cat video... maybe.
11. Drink less.
Hangovers are no fun and it's a waste of a productive day when you feel too sick to accomplish anything. Sadly, this resolution quickly diminishes once you see your whole friend group drinking on a Friday night. Who wants to be designated driver anyway?
Don't feel bad if your resolutions fail though, because it's okay to be the same person you were in 2015.
