1. Please do not leave a pile of clothes in the dressing room: We have got back racks for a reason, and that reason is not for you to ignore it (bonus points if you actually manage to put it back where you found it like a decent human being).

2. Treat retail workers with respect: They are humans too. And they do not have time for you to give them s#^&. Quite frankly, they do not get paid enough for you to yell at them for maybe accidentally throwing away a coupon for another store three days ago (yes, this has happened)*.

3. Please don’t wreck the store: If you knock over something, fix it. If you need something from a pile, try not to disturb the pile too much (bonus points if you don’t mess up the size order). And god forbid you drop food on the floor. You know this isn’t your garbage can, right? And please, please don’t just leave things wherever you want to leave them because you feel too lazy to put them back (at the very least, put them on the go back rack).

4. If you don’t like something about the store’s policy, remember it is not a sales associate’s fault: They have no power and they are just trying to do what their told. And I repeat, they do not have time for you to give them s%&#. And if something is wrong with the store’s policy, chances are they’ve probably already complained about it themselves, because they are tired of hearing the same couple of complaints 1,000 times.

5. Please and thank yous don’t go out of style: Brighten a sales associate’s dull slog through retail hell and actually say “please” and “thank you.” You might actually get a smile out of them that isn’t 100% faked.

6. Do not make unreasonable demands: They just waste everyone’s time and make no one happy (*See garbage lady example above).

7. Please don’t ask to see the manager: They’re just going to say the same thing that we just said with maybe a slightly peppier voice and only a teensy bit more authority.

8. Do not ask us to repeat our coupon/return policy 2,000 times: Remember that thing you learned in kindergarten about listening skills? Of course not, because you probably weren’t listening.

9. Don’t steal: Just don’t. Not only is it illegal, but it’s a lot of paperwork, okay?

10. Please be patient: I know it can be hard to wait your turn in line, especially if you’re in a rush, but just keep in mind that we are working as hard as we can to give you the fastest possible service. And your impatience just makes everyone around you uncomfortable, so don’t be that person, okay? Loudly tapping your foot and groaning only gets you glares, not faster care.

11. Please don’t be upset if we greet you/don’t greet you: When we greet you, we are just doing our jobs. If we miss you amongst the avalanche of rushed holiday shoppers, please don’t hold that against us. We truly are doing the best that we can.