Many people perceive anxiety as hyperventilating and crying all the time, and while sometimes that is the case, there is so much more you have to overcome when faced with this debilitating illness. Friends and family tend to become frustrated, and sometimes even angry, when they can’t understand what your anxiety actually means. Because of that, I’ve compiled the top 11 things people with anxiety go through on a regular basis.

1) I’m an extroverted introvert.

An extroverted introvert is someone who, when they’re “on,” loves to socialize and get down with the best of them; but, when they’re “off,” they’re wary and withdrawn. It’s a confusing concept to those who are either one or the other, but it’s just the way my mind works.

2) I decline or cancel plans, not because I don’t want to go, but because I just can’t.

Being an extroverted introvert with anxiety, my social battery is depleted very quickly and I need substantial alone time to replenish it. Some days, I will badly want to go out and socialize with friends and family, but my mind and body both scream at me telling me that I need to stay in. It’s not because I don’t want to go to happy hour or catch a bite to eat, but because, sometimes, I can’t keep up with the demands on my social calendar.

3) I obsess over nothing and everything at the same time—basically, things that others wouldn’t think twice about.

Was that girl across from me in class giving me a dirty look or was she just deep in thought? Was my boyfriend being short with me because he’s annoyed by something I’ve done or is he just busy? I overthink everything. No, I don’t do it on purpose. It’s just the way my brain is wired.

4) I can’t sleep; not because I’m not tired, but because my brain just won’t shut off.

Insomnia is a huge part of my life. I can have an excruciatingly long day, come home, and lay awake in bed for hours while my mind has an overactive party at 3:00 a.m.

5) A lot of people crammed into small spaces freaks me out.

People rubbing up on me in crowds, no personal space or breathing room and no way to see everyone around me at once will take me from 0 to 100 on the anxiety scale in five seconds flat. I like to be aware of all of my surroundings, and crowds don’t give me an opportunity to feel calm and safe.

6) I replay conversations over and over in my head, thinking about what I should’ve done or said.

Confrontation is a big no-no for me. I hate being both the confronter and the confronted and intense conversations often leave me overthinking how things should’ve gone, instead of how they did.

7) I’m harder on myself than anyone else could ever be.

I am my biggest critic, so any negative comment about my appearance, my brain, or my emotions causes my confidence to take a huge blow.

8) Talk of the future and the past can turn me into an emotional wreck.

Thinking about the things I can’t prepare for and can’t change can cause my anxiety to spike. No one knows what the future holds, but having anxiety turns what most embrace into something that I sometimes dread. No one can change the past, but I will still get anxious thinking about what I wish was different.

9) Some days, I’m just too mentally and physically exhausted to get out of bed.

Every now and then, I need to take a break from the world. Putting my phone on “Do Not Disturb” and delving into a new novel might be exactly what the doctor ordered that day. I’m not being lazy or irresponsible, my body and mind just need time to recuperate every now and then.

10) I can’t always explain to others why I’m anxious.

Sometimes, I don’t even know why my anxiety is trying to claw its way into my mind; so for me to explain it to others becomes extremely complicated. It’s not because I don’t trust you and I’m not trying to shut you out, but my anxiety attacks my subconscious and it’s not always easy to find the root of the problem.

11) I know my anxiety is illogical, but that doesn’t make it any easier to overcome.

Yes, I worry about everything. Yes, I know that most of my anxiety is illogical. No, that doesn’t make it easier. Having anxiety is almost like being exposed to your worst fear on a daily basis—no matter how much you hate clowns and you know that’s silly, it doesn’t change how they make you feel.

Anxiety is as complex and confusing as it gets, but understanding why someone with anxiety acts and reacts the way that they do is a tremendous help to the person who suffers. We don’t expect everyone to understand every aspect of our anxiety, but a little insight can go a long way.